Finding Your People

Originally I wanted to write this post back in December. It was inspired by long conversations with my mom and 'down the rabbit hole' streams of thought. At first I was approaching this as a single person, but since then, I'm not *as* single. In the end of December, I started getting to know a young man from church, but since nothing is very concrete about dating, I have still thought about this.

Not everyone gets married. Sometimes by choice and sometimes by circumstance. And at times the idea of not getting married is a lonely thought. Throughout life, you've had relationships come and go, and there was always that eventual go. You kind-of set yourself up for it so maybe this time won't hurt so bad. Siblings grow up and go to college. They get jobs. They get families. They get their own lives. They might come to visit, but eventually they leave with 'their people'. And you don't have 'your people', not yet anyway. There's always that nagging thought, though. Maybe 'yet' is actually just 'never' disguised with hope.

Family is good. They're your people while growing up, but as painful a thought as it is, they won't be with you forever. You won't always be cohabiting with people who drive you up the walls and polish your edges, who help keep you aware of other people's problems, who teach you patience.Your parents won't always be there to give you wisdom and correction and pray for you. Your siblings won't always be your live-in best friend. And we, as humans, are partial to that kind-of community. And sometimes that good, wholesome yearning gets the best of us. We desperately look for it, and we end up getting into romantic relationships hoping those will fulfill our need. We've had a taste of having our people, but we yearn for our person. The one that doesn't pack up and leave.

I guess that's one of the main reasons why we need to build ourselves a support system with a variety of people. It keeps us from rushing into anything. If our lives are filled, then why should we be in any hurry to find a significant other? If our lives are filled, we don't try to have some stranger fulfill our need for intimacy and emotional stability. We're not desperate to fill some hole. We have all the time in the world because marriage isn't essential to our worth or identity or the fulfillment of our life. Yes, those things are ultimately found in God, but God uses other people to remind us. A strong support group that's already in place will help you make wise decisions in relationships. They'll know what your goals in life are, they'll fight for you, and they won't be afraid to wop you over the head if you lose your mind Sure, the final choice is always gonna be yours, but marriage is far more than just for companionship or for 'fun'. It's so that together, you make each other stronger Christians, but that's what any close friendship is supposed to do anyway.

Single just for now? Single always? It doesn't matter. Your life doesn't revolve around that. You have a family, a handpicked family.

But I suppose there are the negatives: if you're perfectly happy with your life, if it's filled, then where does a guy fit in later on? Some of us will have to carve a space out. Some of us will have decided that this singleness fits us. It isn't because we're scared of the intimacy that comes with these dating relationships which may or may not lead to sacred marriage or because we can't stand the idea of having to consider someone else's needs again or being interrupted by people on a regular basis. It's because marriage isn't meant for us. And that's perfectly alright because we won't ever be alone. If something doesn't fit, it doesn't have to be forced. And taking time to make up your mind is alright, too.