In Crushing Blows

Hope comes in crushing blows

And smiles that never last.

Life likes to prove it so

With love that never lasts.

People say they will

And make promises 

They won't even try to keep,

And we'll just let them go.

They're human --

What else do you expect?

If I could put a band aid on every broken hope--
But no, we haven't time or space

To travel down that road.

It's just enough to know

That hope hurts

Much like despair.

Sometimes I wonder what's the point

Of one and not the other.

Hope is something
I cannot bear.

It bursts at every seam

Like sorrow

And cannot be pinned down,

Contained with perfect words.

What is one 

Without the other?

Sorrow and hope. 

For every light burned out

And every dream pulled down,

One holds the other's hand.

We mourn as much 

For hope as for the thing that dies,

And all our sorrows double.

Hope comes in crushing blows

And laughter on the summits,

Somewhere just out of reach.

Hope walks hand in hand 

With love that never lasts

And promises left out to dry

And aching battles repeated

Till something else gives up and dies,

Unable to capture hope

Within these flaw-filled hands.

Hope postponed creates despair,

But hope fulfilled

Pulls the band aids off my heart

And multiplies my joy. 

+++

Again, not the post I was planning for this week, but life happened, and I'm trying to give myself breathing room when things don't work out and time doesn't behave.

Do any of you write poetry/prose? I'd love to see it if you're up for sharing!

The Letter in the Tree

You must have watched me climb that tree at least a thousand times. You must have watched from some hiding place beyond the garden wall, and in retrospect, it should make me die of embarrassment and self-consciousness -- the idea you watched me the first few times when I climbed it as if I was climbing a cliff's side and those sturdy branches were like rocks that might shift and let me fall. And you heard me sing as I climbed it with ease to sit upon my branch and gaze out at the world and the sunsets and the snowfalls and the first rain of autumn. You watched me climb it methodically as my shoulders shook from the tears I couldn't smother underneath the surface. And you had seen those tears.

But your words, the letter -- I felt as though you were as familiar to me as the tree or the tree was as familiar to you as it is to me. You must have climbed it once to tuck the letter where I would find it, but did you climb it more? Was your branch the same as mine? I wouldn't mind if it is. Just don't forget it's my tree.

How'd you know I'd show up before the wind blew the paper and the words away? Or the rain came and made your words swim? Did you wait to see me coming before you scaled over the wall and left me the gift of your letter? The imprint of your kindness into the corner of my lonely world? Why'd you leave it for me?

Were my thoughts really so loud as I swung my legs back and forth below my branch? Did you just watch me in those shared moments? How many hours were we together when I was unaware of you? Why didn't you ever let me know you were there?

We must have sat in companionable silence a hundred times or more, and you never once spoke, but maybe I knew you were there all along because I never felt alone out on my branch in my tree. I went in loneliness, in the times I couldn't breathe, and then...and then I was alright.

Why did you wait so long?

***

When I first started blogging many years ago, it was mostly just because and mostly random and every which way. I'd start blogs on a whim, too. One of the blogs I started was called 'The Lockbox'. It housed a story I started. A story in second-person. Up till then I hadn't really shared my writing (for so many good reasons), but I did, and The Lockbox story ended up being one of the first pieces of writing I was...happy with. I felt there was something beautiful in it (it's debatable whether or not that was actually true). It's also my first grammatically half-correct piece of writing. Second-person story writing is...yeah...an undertaking, but back then I didn't realize it. 

Nowadays with poetry, I do a lot of second-person writing, and there's a mystery to it I've grown to like. Anyway, this past week I did some free writing to escape the editing monster and all its dark henchmen, and I came up with this (though, it's been an idea floating around in my mind for awhile. I've wanted to write a children's story or something to highlight a friendship through letters since that's something I've experienced). Have you guys ever tried to write anything in second-person? What do you think of it? 

Lastly, I did find out how I could access my old blogs. So I have a lot of lovely, totally not embarrassing, blog posts to share on my blogiversary post. Before this post comes into existence, do you have questions you'd like me to answer if I do a question and answer thing? 

Favorite movies? Favorite books? Most inspiring individuals? Favorite food? Favorite album of all-time? First CD I ever got? Favorite childhood memory? Things that annoy me the most? What it's like to be the youngest (or did you guys even know that about me?)? I really don't know so, please, help. Shower me with questions in the comments!

I'm Back & Other Important Stuff

*Photo Credit: My friend S. J.*

Yep, I'm back! There's still a lot things I have to figure out about time management, where social media fits into things, how to be less affected by certain aspects of it, etc, but that's life. How have all of you been? What was the highlight of your Summer? Thanks so much to those of you who left sweet comments on my last post. It's so nice to know you were missed <3 

As I get back into the swing of things, I'd like some input into what I post here. What kind-of posts do you enjoy the most of mine? Any suggestions on how to restructure things? I have some ideas I'd like to write about that are close to my heart, and I do so hope I fight to have the time to develop them. I hate doing things halfheartedly, and I know this last Summer, my corner was neglected. I was here but just barely. My favorite part of social media as a whole is connecting with you guys so I would like to do better answering comments and reading your blogs, but also I'd like to feel I'm producing genuine and worthwhile content. I really appreciate you sticking around as I (try to) figure this whole thing out.

Looking ahead, I'm debating whether to do a blog birthday post (even though it's a month late). Maybe I can dig up the very, very first blogpost I ever typed up (from my first blog when I was...12?), highlight my most popular posts (which aren't necessarily the ones in my sidebar...because of reasons *ahem*) and/or the posts I personally think should've have been more popular (funny how that seems to work). Anybody interested in that?  What else would you find interesting? A question and answer? (No vlogs, though. Nope, nope, not gonna happen. My commitment doesn't stretch that far...yet...).

 

Please comment below with all your lovely suggestions and life stuff! 

Please?