The Difficulties of Living at Home after Graduating

Some parents make it clear that the moment their child turns eighteen, they are expected to get a move on out of the house. That's just the way it is, and in some families, the kid themselves are happiest when they are on their own as soon as possible.

My parents weren't like that. We could stay on two conditions. We continued to respect each other and either paid a certain amount of money for our food and room or we'd have to work a certain amount of hours per week. This agreement started when my eldest brother lived at home for a year after graduating. It's changed from person to person, and I think that's how it should be. Now, four kids later, it's my turn to navigate this interesting agreement.  To me, their condition is perfectly reasonable. This is their house. These are their rules, and they aren't unfair

 I chose working some around the house because I'd honestly rather work here. It's always grated on me how people assume young adults living with their parents get some sort of 'out of jail free' card. Maybe that's the case for some, but I don't ever want to be considered one of those.

Even as you try to be as independent and fair as possible in such a living arrangement, there are snags. You're an adult, but you're still their kid. You're still family, but you also have this more-official agreement. You have your own life, your own job, your own personal responsibilities, but you still live under their roof and they are included in your life.

I think this might be the reason why all business-like agreements with family or close friends tend to be difficult. What if you've already reached the amount of hours you need to work that week, but something still needs to be done? Something that has a time limit on it? Are you a boarder then? Your due is paid. It's not your problem. Or are you a family member whose responsibility includes pitching in till something is finished?

You want to be love, and love doesn't say, 'Sorry, dude! I'm outta here. I've reached my hours.' Yet, if there isn't some sort of time limit, you lose your mind (true story). Sure, when you're working for someone who isn't family or close friends, the love part isn't there to complicate (a good complication, but still a complication). You work a certain amount of hours, and if their job isn't finished, they have someone else to continue the work. It's not your problem (unless you're like me and have a bad habit of adopting problems and other people's stress), but with family? Hmm.

My parents aren't that strict. They would give me more grace and mercy than I deserve if I didn't get the certain amount of hours of work accomplished for a few weeks. I sometimes wish they were more strict because that's just how I am as a person. I have expectations (sometimes unrealistic) for myself, and I could use some help figuring out this balancing act. Am I working too much? Not enough? Which part of my work is from love and because I'm part of the family unit and which part is obligatory? Where does one end and the other begin? If you're doing this work from love, when do you get to say it's time to rest?

Being able to stay at home while pursuing more education or saving money for the next thing is a blessing. Yet, it can still have its difficulties. The most important part is good communication. Make sure you know what is expected of you from yourself and your parents and how it all works together. Sounds hard? It is, but it is also very worth it.


Do you still live at home? How does that work? Do your parents have certain expectations? What do you expect of yourself? What's the hardest part of living at home for you? Do you have any tips?