Merry Christmas

In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan,

Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone;

Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow,

In the bleak midwinter, long ago.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him, nor earth sustain;

Heaven and earth shall flee away when He comes to reign.

In the bleak midwinter a stable place sufficed

The Lord God Almighty, Jesus Christ.

Enough for Him, whom cherubim, worship night and day,

Breastful of milk, and a mangerful of hay;

Enough for Him, whom angels fall before,

The ox and ass and camel which adore.

Angels and archangels may have gathered there,

Cherubim and seraphim thronged the air;

But His mother only, in her maiden bliss,

Worshipped the beloved with a kiss.

What can I give Him, poor as I am?

If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;

If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;

Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

- Christina Rosetti 

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope yours was a blessed one. 

Soundtrack of 2017

I listen to a lot of music every year (I haven't dared look at my Spotify stats, though). I use Spotify quite a bit, but since I don't really like music subscriptions, I also do a lot of listening on my phone where all my personal collection is uploaded. My job currently is cleaning different people's houses, and with that sort of job, music truly is my sanity (and definitely one of the perks - at least if you get sick of the music, you're getting sick of your own). I decided I'd do a collection of the musical albums I've added this year, why I bought them, whether they lived up to my hope, and my favorite songs on them.

1. 

 Atlas: Year 2 - Sleeping At Last 

Sleeping at Last is one of my favorite musicians. Ever. He releases music a little different than other artists. He puts out several EPs per year, and in about a year and a half, it makes up a twenty-four song album (about). People can subscribe on his website so that they'll get his music as he releases it. I decided to do that, and it's been really fun. He's brilliant, guys, with his ideas, his lyrics, and his instrumentation. I can't wait to listen to each new song, and it's been awhile since I've been that enthusiastic about a musician. One of the reasons I like him is because of how hopeful he makes his songs, even the sadder ones, and that always rub off on me. With this album, he decided to do an EP with songs inspired by the eneagram. I hadn't heard read much on that personality categorization, but I did after hearing about these songs, and I've learned a lot about myself through it. I also love the songs he has written based on my personality type combination. If you were my best friend, I'd make you sit down a listen to every single one of his songs and read the lyrics (which is like...90, maybe?), but I think my favorites (picking my favorites hurts) might be 'Sight', 'Heart', 'One', and 'Two'. 

2.

Perception - NF

This is NF's third album (And my go-to on days when I'm just frustrated with life). Each time another releases, it takes a few listens for it to grow on me, but the depth of passion in his songs win me over, and I end up not disappointed. My favorite kind of music is the kind that makes me feel something, not just for the first few listens, but every single time. NF's music does that for me. This album is no different. Granted, there are two songs I tend to skip which is a first when it comes to his albums. My favorites are 'Intro III', 'Dreams', 'If You want Love', and 'Remember This'. Definitely, definitely worth it. 

3.

Night Visions - Imagine Dragons

(Also my go-to on frustrated days) I picked up these two Imagine Dragon albums back in the beginning of the year when they were featured $5 dollar albums on Amazon (for the good of my bank account, I stopped looking every month after that). So I'll start with saying that these were very much worth the price. Once again, I was drawn to the passion of their music and their lyrics, and, I guess, the bittersweetness of each song. They all seem very personal which has made them become personal to me, if that makes sense. I don't know. - These albums are also both a bit more energetic which makes them good for slow days and work. My favorites on this album are 'It's Time', 'Bleeding Out,' 'Nothing Left to Say', and 'Hear Me', and 'Demons', and 'On Top of the World', 'Every Night'...well, folks, this is why I bought it. 

4. 

Smoke & Mirrors - Imagine Dragon

Favorites on this are 'Shots', 'I Bet My Life', 'Dream', and 'The Fall'. Not as many favorites as the first one, but I like the ones I like enough to make the buy worthwhile. 

5.

To Be Alive - Akw

This artist is one of those obscure ones I stumbled across on accident. I'll admit that not all their songs are obviously distinct, but I really like the overarching sound. This album is one of those you listen to in the dark when you can't sleep or on a rainy day. It's simple and haunting and bittersweet. I also like how they have a buildup to their bridges. My favorites, I guess, are 'Desperate', 'The Hunt', 'Walk Home', and 'To Be Alive' (...might as well have just said every song). 

6.

Yearbook - Sleeping at Last

Another more recent addition, and since it has about 30+ songs on it, I haven't grown as familiar with it as Sleeping at Last's other stuff (which is why it's #6 on this list). This is the first album where he began to change his song-writing format. I believe he released three songs per month on this project (did I mention he has someone create artwork for each of his EPs? It's so creative, too). The different songs might not pop out quite as clear as his newer work, but I also think I need to give it a few more listens. Sometimes you have to pay attention to the lyrics before the songs become something. I guess I need to go on another roadtrip, but so far my favorites on this are 'Noble Aim', 'Emphasis', 'Snow', and 'Hourglass'. 

7.

My Head is an Animal - Of Monsters and Men

This band is from Iceland, and their lyrics are very interesting (+ strange - a little? To be honest, I haven't read every single lyric. Bits and pieces filter through, and I'm like, 'huh?'), but I enjoy their sound (accordions, yes). My favorites are 'Little Talks', 'King and Lionhearted',  'Love Love Love', and 'Yellow Light'.

8.

Fear & Fable - Fleurie

I discovered Fleurie when she was featured on NF's first album and really liked her voice so I came across this collection of songs. There's specifically two songs on this that made buying this EP worthwhile - 'Hymn' and 'Chasing All the Stars'. Those two are so good, and if you look her up, listen to them. But since this is another newer album, I imagine it'd be easy for the other tracks to grow on me. Her style is very calm and melancholy which works great for background music (not so much for upbeat housecleaning, though). 

9.

Covers, Vol. 1 - Sleeping at Last

Okay, so I just barely got this album. I've given it three listens and know most of the songs. It wouldn't have been my top pick, but there's this music subscription called Emusic (it's only worth it if you know of some really obscure artists or the early stuff of less obscure artists), and I ended up having a lot of music credits to use; so I bought this. I have to say I like 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)' the best (it's my go-to 'annoy everyone song'...well, not intentionally. It's just catchy and good for when you're walking long distances), and that was heavily influenced because it was featured in a very sweet Budlight (Budweiser?) ad a few Superbowls ago. I'll probably just add this one up to supporting a favorite artist.



Have you heard of any of these artists? Do like them? Meh? What has has 2017 been in music for you? New albums? New Artists? Let me know in the comments! I'm always looking for new music?

Fighting Forgetfulness

Why am I even doing this? What's the point? All I ever do is go non-stop to sew up the loose ends other people leave, to pick up the slack. Why am I out here working again when everyone else is on their computer or reading? I should do what she says. I should just focus on my own stuff. Besides, when is enough enough? I could keep going like this forever, and it'd make no difference. Why don't they ever think about helping me? This isn't even my project!

Hold up! Where are these bitter, angry thoughts coming from? Just last night I was reading Ann Voskamp's The Broken Way. She was talking about serving and loving and giving. And I wanted that so much. I wanted to help people, to love people, even the unlovable ones. And yet, here I am having a hard time loving the people who actually, in their human broken way, love me back. That feeling of having a world of potential inside but no outlet - where did that go? That feeling of a lightbulb coming on. Yes, this is the way I should live, but how? That feeling of overflowing with love, but no one to love - where'd that go, too?

Ann wrote about a study that showed when a person helps someone else more than three times a day, they end up feeling less stressed. Not the big, earth-shattering help. No, just the simple acts of kindness, of giving of one's self and energy. Open doors. Hang up clothes. Move along laundry. Let someone else go in line before you. Cook dinner. The mundane. The mind-numbing.

Then what on earth am I doing wrong? Why don't I feel less stressed? Why do I feel suffocated when I think that someone might ask one more thing of me? I wash dishes by hand after everyone else has already gone to bed. I hardly have an hour of quiet to myself unless I stay up hours after everyone else has gone to bed. I give of myself. I give of myself, but why aren't I filled? Is it because I do them for the wrong reasons? I don't know my reasons. I just can't stop myself.

Ann also wrote about what she called 'chronic soul amnesia'. Our faithful forgetfulness - oh, you can sure count on it more than anything else in the world. Temptations? They're hardly needed. We forget what we're supposed to know, and then it doesn't occur to us there's a battlefield going on inside of our mind. Just these thoughts. These thoughts that tear and rip and shred every bit of hope and joy and thankfulness.

This chronic soul amnesia is why we have to continually relearn lessons again. It's why we spend a year trying to move on and end up in the exact same place spiritually.

I forget so much. I forget that nothing we do for the Lord is useless (1 Corinthians 15:58). That we can do all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). That we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13). That He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). That He is actually in us (John 14:23). That He is the only giver of peace and we shouldn't be afraid (John 14:27).  That we should always be joyful and prayerful and thankful 'for this is God's will' (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

And still with all these promises, I forget. I stumble and trip, and I get mad at myself because I'm so human. I go from light bulb moments when I think I finally get it to the darkest places in seconds. My forgetfulness is constant, but I'm not.

That's why we're supposed to read the Bible every day. That's why we purposely memorize portions of Truth. That's why we listen to songs reinforcing Truths. That's why we do Communion. That's why we surround ourselves with people like us who fight this forgetfulness. It's so we don't forget, and if we do, we'll remember it all again soon.

#

I don't know. These are just the rambling thoughts of a frustrating day, a frustrating week. What are your thoughts on this? Do you struggle with this chronic soul amnesia? What do you do to help yourself remember? You all should read 'The Broken Way' by Ann Voskamp. It was a bit rough getting back into her style, but she writes poignantly. So many wonderings. So much possibility.

Snapshots of November (And Words)

The passage of time can get me feeling blue too easily. It's something I've struggled with for a long time. And when you feel like you haven't been using the time given to you to its fullest potential, you stumble down the path of asking what is the point of every single thing you do. Not a great place to be. But then Tracey over at her blog included a verse in one of her posts about something else, and it's funny how you might read the Bible year after year and still miss or forget so many essential verses. 

So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. - 1 Corinthians 15:58

NOTHING YOU EVER DO FOR THE lORD IS EVER USELESS. 

If only I knew that. And remembered that. And took it to heart. And tattooed it to my arm. Because all that is left for me to do is take each day as it comes and commit the things I do to the Lord. And I pray that He will make the things I do have worth and value. But it's frustrating how forgetful I am. 

Without further ado. This is my month. It won't (probably) be as long as last month's rambles. 

On November 5th marked twelve years of consistent journaling with maybe one erratic year and a few days here and there. So lots of very mundane days were documented. I always love how my little self would end the day's entry with 'It was a good day'. Where are you, little self?

I honestly haven't been doing much baking of late which makes me sad, but I did experiment with baking Moroccan bread (because it tasted so good at the Moroccan restaurant we went to last month in Seattle). As it ends up, the bread is actually really simple. You just make a pretty regular bread dough and add whole funnel. The funnel bit is strong off and on, but I didn't get around to making the salad they sometimes eat with it (which would even out the flavor). Oh, I also finished my garden's zucchini off in bread and made two pies for Thanksgiving (although not pictured, they were wonderful). One Apple and the other Sweet Potato pie.

Then this happened on the 5th of November. Kinda out of the blue. We haven't had snowfall in November for quite a few years. And it was a very wet 2-3 inches, but I enjoyed it. I always do, but you'll notice how the majority of the leaves are still on the trees? Made an interesting contrast. Also reminded me of when it snowed on top of the wildflowers in Springtime. It's such a joy living in one place long enough to end up seeing the little quirks.

A couple days after the snowfall, when most of the snow had melted, I went with my mom to a little college town just North of here. I've been meaning to get my passport since April, but we couldn't ever get a hold of the main branch of the USPS in town and the security/parking at the county courthouse is a pain; so off to another town we went. They're also the county seat of their county, but their courthouse was much more manageable. Less security. Friendly and helpful people. And I got a good(ish) passport picture to boot.

I don't have any plans to travel somewhere exotic, but Washington's drivers' licenses are not up to Federal standards so we won't be able to fly anywhere without a passport come January. While up there, we went for lunch and did some shopping. Although the town is smaller, because they have a college, they've managed to keep their downtown alive. On the way back, we took the backroad through the canyon (as opposed to over the three ridges), and I took a bazillion pictures out the car window. The contrasts were gorgeous.

The snow went all away. The leaves finally fell. I was out raking every spare minute (still haven't finished), and I remembered how much I love being outdoors. We have a leafblower, but there was just something about being out in the cold that makes me come alive.

I was tagged on Instagram to do a black & white, everyday photo challenge for 7 days. I was a bit worried at the start but ended up enjoying it. I haven't really ever taken staged photos or ones in black & white so it was different but definitely something I'll pursue. I guess it still holds the charms I like about photography, period. I enjoy sharing what I see with other people, but I also like experimenting with different perspectives. Catching things in a different light or catching things that most eyes just glance over.

Isn't the reflection totally awesome? I never even noticed until I was trying to take a creative picture of the cello without a decent background or real awesome lighting.

This is the only instrument featured that's actually mine (Although I might be getting a piano soon). I learned guitar on my brother's. When he moved out, I was afraid he'd take his guitar (he actually didn't) so I bought a mini Taylor guitar out of Koa wood. It's beautiful. I only wish I played better. 

So I ended up spraining my ankle the week of Thanksgiving which meant I was pretty inactive for an entire week (minus the pie making part). It was the same week my grandma was back in the hospital with an infection. So when I say Thanksgiving didn't exist. It didn't. We had cheesy hotdogs for dinner because that was the only food existing in the house. Yeah...But our Thanksgivings have never been traditional. My dad has always worked strange schedules. We've hardly ever had an immediate family, traditional Thanksgiving meal. We just waited to eat with my mom's family, but as people grow older, even what little traditions we have still change.  As it was, we did eat with my grandma the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Turkey, apple and raisin stuffing, pie, spinach pie, yams & apples, apple salad, etc. (With that menu, does it surprise you that my grandpa was an apple orchardist?). It was good.

Oh yeah, the whole spraining the ankle part was actually supposed to lead into saying I actually drew some this month. And the face wasn't half bad for having not drawn a face since last May. Second eyes still stink, though. So...I could probably ramble on endlessly because I'm good at that, but I'll stop. Right now. Right here.




Do you keep a journal? Remember the first day you ever journaled? How was your Thanksgiving? Any interesting traditions? What about the food? Favorite pies? Any of you have a passport? Where'd you go if you could go anywhere? If you've already traveled some internationally, where do you think I should go? Any of you play instruments? What kind?

Speak. I will listen. I will reply (before you die...or maybe not).