2017

We sat in the family room, all in a circle, discussing the highlights of the past year. It wasn't New Years' Eve. On New Years' Eve, we were all in bed by 12. I hadn't been asleep when the numbers turned to 1/1/18. Noises from outside came through. Revving engines from a neighbor. Fireworks filling the valley. In some ways, it didn't seem much like a new year was coming around. Even later when we sat in the circle, it was hard to know where 2017 had gone.

The passage of time has always left me feeling a little melancholy. When we're supposed to be rejoicing in a new year, a new day, a new slate, I have difficulty letting that slate be wiped completely clean. I have the mindset of 'another year, another day - how can I muck this up? How can I waste another year?' But it's not all concentrated on what I can do to mess things up. It's also like 'what can life throw at us now?' - A general resistance to the very things that will leave us, if we let them, looking a little more like Christ. A resistance because growing hurts, especially when you look back and wonder if these hard things changed you at all.

So, Happy New Year, right?

I guess September swallowed all the seconds of 2017 and made me forget the before and the after and pressed against us until our cracks started to show. Because there was good things.

In the beginning of June I went to South Carolina. First time flying by myself. First time to North and South Carolina where I met my penpal's family. And drank sweet tea and waded in the Atlantic and saw an Alligator in the wild. And those nasty small ticks. And went kayaking all over a lake.

I bought a kayak because kayaking is fun and just another excuse to explore and go to the mountains and exercise.

I did a three-month writing mentorship, and I think I learned some things. And I hope I did, but I did let someone read a lot more of my writing than I had ever let anyone else read.

An article I wrote was published, just on a blog of a new magazine, but it's a start.

I wrote a load of poetry, and some of it was actually good.

I finished Duolingo's entire German course. It took four years, but now I'm going to read Heidi in German. And I started Spanish because when you have to watch kittens for too many hours in a day, you can only do small tasks, not writing.

My brother visited, and we went hiking twice, and I fell in love with my mountains all over again and Autumn days in the mountains are magical. And I remembered why my brother was my best friend growing up.

We also had an amazing Winter with snow on the ground till March, and it was amazing to me because I love snow, and there was just so much of it!

Instagram and photography! I had forgotten how fun photography was. And I actually printed something I took and have it framed on the wall, and it's the best thing ever.

I got a piano. A real one. I just have to find some place in my room to tuck it and someone to tune it.

In the middle of blistering Summer, we walked through a very long and cold, old train tunnel. And had a picnic on the other side, and did I mention I need to hike and explore more often?

I read a lot more books that I actually liked! 

*Insert random, awkward, stressful comment about dating for the first time* 

We fostered a baby squirrel for a month and a half and called him Houdini. Fostering baby squirrels is something normal people do, right?

Also fostered five kittens for a month. Stinky Inky, Crabby Tabby, Tabby Tu-Tu, Hunky Dum Dum, and Pansy.

Watched a live performance of Frostiana, a collection of Robert Frost poems, put to music. It was so beautiful.

And the symphony celebrated John Williams' 85th Birthday with a performance of his music. Star Wars Theme? Jurassic Park Theme? Indiana Jones? Yes! So fun.

My mom is healthy. And that might seem a small thing to say, but in September, she was in the hospital for ten days, and it was a very exhausting and worrisome time. And even though it was just ten days, our whole year was somehow shrunk into those ten days. It was probably a month, a month and a half, before things became more normal again, but for a while, I didn't think it would ever be normal.

***

Sometimes it's hard to remember everything that happens in a year. And it's much easier to remember the bad parts and then stop there. And sometimes it's easy to overlook the little things, the little gems because so much of the big things are still flying wildly around your head.

Big things are flying wildly around in my head, and I'm a pessimist learning to be hopeful and joy-filled, and those are the hardest things to learn, but they matter because 'The joy of the Lord is my strength' and hope is everything. And since I'm around to see a New Year, I'm around to try again and keep on learning and fighting.

Because we're going to be okay in 2018, even if I have to ink the words of life, of hope, of Love onto the palm of my hand every morning so I don't forget.

What was 2017 like for you? Highlights? Something important you learned? What is your go-to Bible verse lately?

Happy New Year!

Top Reads of 2017

At the start of 2017, I resolved to read more since life had kinda knocked reading to the side. And I did read more than previous years, but I also wrote a lot less. So mixed success? I read a total of 28 books, an increase of 11 from 2016 (Now that I actually count it, it sounds less impressive). But I did get stuck on a 650+ page book in the Summer. It's surprising I got anywhere after that. Oh, and I read Dune which probably is high on the page count (I read it on Kindle - reading on Kindle is so deceiving. You really don't know what you're getting yourself into). But without further ado, here are my top reads of 2017 (don't expect any 2017 books. I never read current books. Ever):

One Thousand Gifts & The Broken Way - Ann Voskamp

There is one reason why I don't review books (well, two, actually. I kinda like books few and far between). When I like them, I have no adequate words to describe why.

Ann Voskamp has an amazing gift with words. She writes poetically raw and achingly real about her life and her struggles. Her fight for joy and thanksgiving and a full life. That's why I like her writing - so much of the time it echoes my own questions and wonderings. My own shouts. She isn't afraid of the messy. She is familiar with despair and depression, and yet she writes about joy and thanksgiving. In the Broken Way, she writes about living with a broken heart in a broken world and how do you do that? And about loving people and sharing your broken with other people.
I have highlighted so many portions in both of her books, and I wish I could share them all with you. You all should really read these. Truly some of the best books I've read.

Hinds' Feet on High Places - Hannah Hurnard

I've mentioned this book once on the blog, and I'll mention it again. I loved it so much. This book is an allegory which is a little different. But I related so much to the main character and to the journey. It was also a very beautiful book full of inspiring words. I would say it helped my relationship with God in the same way as when I read the Chronicles of Narnia (which is saying a lot). It softened the face of God. It reminded me of His patience and compassion. He is much more merciful than me - what a hard thought.

"She did not realize that the Prince of Love is 'of very tender compassions to them that are afraid.' She supposed that, like everybody else, he was despising her for her silly fears..." 

Unoffendable - Brant Hansen

Is 'righteous' anger actually righteous? Do we have a right to be angry with people? To be offended by people, even if we know we're right and they're wrong? I'm someone who gets indignant easily so this book kinda flipped my thinking on its head. It just doesn't stop with the whole 'offendable' thing. It delves in deep asking why we get offended so easily. It shows us what we truly could do if we pushed it aside. And I love the humble way this guy writes. Sure, I'm probably gonna need to read it once a year (at least) to keep reminding myself, but I came away with something, and that's one of the things I look for in books. 

The God I Love - Joni Eareckson Tada

I've admired Joni Eareckson Tada for years, and I've read various books by her and biographies about her through the years so I had a pretty good idea of her story, but this book still highlighted different aspects of it. Her love for people, guys! And the way God has provided for her and used her as His hand in so many far-off places. And she may write so honest about her different struggles, but she is still one incredible woman. There's also something comforting in reading someone's full-life story. You can see the threads. Or they'll point out the threads. They'll point out this prayer and then the eventual answer. In her case, the answers to so many of her questions weren't what anyone could foresee or predict or what she thought she wanted. It's funny how we view things as tragedies when, as painful as it is, they're actually answers to prayers. Long read but so inspiring.

The Practice of the Presence of God -Brother Lawrence 

Brother Lawrence served as a lay brother in a monastery in France during the 1600s. This is a compilation of letters and conversations recorded between him and other people, and it is soooo good. For some reason I imagined there was less of an emotional/friend/relationship connection between people and God back then. That people regarded Jesus more reverently and holy than they do now which might impede that closeness (which is sad). But after reading this, it made me realize that there were those throughout all time who have tried to live lives in constant closeness with God. It's just interesting to think you might have something in common with a lay brother who lived in France a little less than 400 years ago. As for the subject of this book: I guess growing up, I always thought of that song by Acapella about having to 'come down from the mountaintop to the people in the valley below'. In retrospect, I'm pretty sure it's about Moses, but originally I thought that was how it worked. You might spend an hour in prayer and Bible reading in the morning, but then you eventually had to pack up and go out into the world. Brother Lawrence experienced it differently. He believed you could truly walk with God all day. You could always be in communion with Him. That your thoughts could be stayed upon Jehovah. It's a simple thought, but also kinda incredible. 

Cinder &  Scarlet - Marissa Meyer

I like reading Speculative Fiction. Or rather, I always thought I did. I had this idea of what kind of book I would like, but I kept reading Sci-Fi and being disappointed by the lack of character development, character conversation, character anything. Finally I was recommended this series, and I was not disappointed. Why do I think it's good? Because I wanted to keep reading. It's been a long time since I've wanted to keep reading a book. Or bothered picking up the second book in the series. 

I Only Want to Get Married Once - Chana Levitan

This is a very good book (obviously since it's on this list). My family has always been a little strange (according to society's standards) on relationships. No dating until you're actually able to consider marriage seriously, family-involved process, etc. But this book is a more mainstream approach to wise dating. It focuses on creating healthy relationships from the start by making wise choices from the beginning. The author gives advice on how to really end up with someone you can be married to for the rest of your life (not just leaving it to 'feelings' or fate or however the chaotic winds drop you). One thing in particular that struck me was the emphasis on values. Figure out your top three core values. Your top five. And never waver on them. You put these in place before you are dating. You tell your friends, the people who will keep you accountable if your head starts flying off. Sure, other things are important, too, but these are the solid foundation.

Conversations with a Writing Coach - Susan May Warren 

This year was the year of reading writing craft books for me (Okay, so I only read four, technically). For the most part, they don't do a whole lot for me. Here and there, something will pop out, but mostly it feels like I'm being dumped with information. Out of the books I have read, this one was my favorite. I liked the conversational style of it, and one piece of information in particular popped out:

You can set the emotional stage of the scene by what descriptions you highlight at the start or throughout it.

I had never thought of that before.

Other Reads:

To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

Ender's Game - Scott Card Orson
The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh - A. A. Milne
Land of the Brave and the Free - Michael Philips
Writing Fiction for Dummies - Randy Ingermanson and Peter Economy
Every Young Woman's Battle - Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn
And the Bridge Wore White - Dannah Gresh
Purple Moon - Tessa Emily Hall
Jesus Among Other Gods (student version) - Ravi Zacharias andd Kevin Johnson
I, Robot - Isaac Asimov
Dune - Frank Herbert
The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss
Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro
Dear John - Nicholas Sparks
The Giver - Lois Lowry
The New Recruit - Jill Williamson
A Novel Way -Various Authors
Revision & Self-Editing - James Scott Bell 

*

So, those are my books of this year. You might notice that I mostly picked non-fiction as favorites (which is surprising even to me), and there is a definite vein through them. A lot of them made me want to love better, to serve better.  And I hope in the coming year, I am able to do that.

Have you read any of these? Are you a fiction only type of reader? A mix of both? Or are you a non-fiction reader like me? What is your top book of 2017?

Happy New Year! 

Soundtrack of 2017

I listen to a lot of music every year (I haven't dared look at my Spotify stats, though). I use Spotify quite a bit, but since I don't really like music subscriptions, I also do a lot of listening on my phone where all my personal collection is uploaded. My job currently is cleaning different people's houses, and with that sort of job, music truly is my sanity (and definitely one of the perks - at least if you get sick of the music, you're getting sick of your own). I decided I'd do a collection of the musical albums I've added this year, why I bought them, whether they lived up to my hope, and my favorite songs on them.

1. 

 Atlas: Year 2 - Sleeping At Last 

Sleeping at Last is one of my favorite musicians. Ever. He releases music a little different than other artists. He puts out several EPs per year, and in about a year and a half, it makes up a twenty-four song album (about). People can subscribe on his website so that they'll get his music as he releases it. I decided to do that, and it's been really fun. He's brilliant, guys, with his ideas, his lyrics, and his instrumentation. I can't wait to listen to each new song, and it's been awhile since I've been that enthusiastic about a musician. One of the reasons I like him is because of how hopeful he makes his songs, even the sadder ones, and that always rub off on me. With this album, he decided to do an EP with songs inspired by the eneagram. I hadn't heard read much on that personality categorization, but I did after hearing about these songs, and I've learned a lot about myself through it. I also love the songs he has written based on my personality type combination. If you were my best friend, I'd make you sit down a listen to every single one of his songs and read the lyrics (which is like...90, maybe?), but I think my favorites (picking my favorites hurts) might be 'Sight', 'Heart', 'One', and 'Two'. 

2.

Perception - NF

This is NF's third album (And my go-to on days when I'm just frustrated with life). Each time another releases, it takes a few listens for it to grow on me, but the depth of passion in his songs win me over, and I end up not disappointed. My favorite kind of music is the kind that makes me feel something, not just for the first few listens, but every single time. NF's music does that for me. This album is no different. Granted, there are two songs I tend to skip which is a first when it comes to his albums. My favorites are 'Intro III', 'Dreams', 'If You want Love', and 'Remember This'. Definitely, definitely worth it. 

3.

Night Visions - Imagine Dragons

(Also my go-to on frustrated days) I picked up these two Imagine Dragon albums back in the beginning of the year when they were featured $5 dollar albums on Amazon (for the good of my bank account, I stopped looking every month after that). So I'll start with saying that these were very much worth the price. Once again, I was drawn to the passion of their music and their lyrics, and, I guess, the bittersweetness of each song. They all seem very personal which has made them become personal to me, if that makes sense. I don't know. - These albums are also both a bit more energetic which makes them good for slow days and work. My favorites on this album are 'It's Time', 'Bleeding Out,' 'Nothing Left to Say', and 'Hear Me', and 'Demons', and 'On Top of the World', 'Every Night'...well, folks, this is why I bought it. 

4. 

Smoke & Mirrors - Imagine Dragon

Favorites on this are 'Shots', 'I Bet My Life', 'Dream', and 'The Fall'. Not as many favorites as the first one, but I like the ones I like enough to make the buy worthwhile. 

5.

To Be Alive - Akw

This artist is one of those obscure ones I stumbled across on accident. I'll admit that not all their songs are obviously distinct, but I really like the overarching sound. This album is one of those you listen to in the dark when you can't sleep or on a rainy day. It's simple and haunting and bittersweet. I also like how they have a buildup to their bridges. My favorites, I guess, are 'Desperate', 'The Hunt', 'Walk Home', and 'To Be Alive' (...might as well have just said every song). 

6.

Yearbook - Sleeping at Last

Another more recent addition, and since it has about 30+ songs on it, I haven't grown as familiar with it as Sleeping at Last's other stuff (which is why it's #6 on this list). This is the first album where he began to change his song-writing format. I believe he released three songs per month on this project (did I mention he has someone create artwork for each of his EPs? It's so creative, too). The different songs might not pop out quite as clear as his newer work, but I also think I need to give it a few more listens. Sometimes you have to pay attention to the lyrics before the songs become something. I guess I need to go on another roadtrip, but so far my favorites on this are 'Noble Aim', 'Emphasis', 'Snow', and 'Hourglass'. 

7.

My Head is an Animal - Of Monsters and Men

This band is from Iceland, and their lyrics are very interesting (+ strange - a little? To be honest, I haven't read every single lyric. Bits and pieces filter through, and I'm like, 'huh?'), but I enjoy their sound (accordions, yes). My favorites are 'Little Talks', 'King and Lionhearted',  'Love Love Love', and 'Yellow Light'.

8.

Fear & Fable - Fleurie

I discovered Fleurie when she was featured on NF's first album and really liked her voice so I came across this collection of songs. There's specifically two songs on this that made buying this EP worthwhile - 'Hymn' and 'Chasing All the Stars'. Those two are so good, and if you look her up, listen to them. But since this is another newer album, I imagine it'd be easy for the other tracks to grow on me. Her style is very calm and melancholy which works great for background music (not so much for upbeat housecleaning, though). 

9.

Covers, Vol. 1 - Sleeping at Last

Okay, so I just barely got this album. I've given it three listens and know most of the songs. It wouldn't have been my top pick, but there's this music subscription called Emusic (it's only worth it if you know of some really obscure artists or the early stuff of less obscure artists), and I ended up having a lot of music credits to use; so I bought this. I have to say I like 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)' the best (it's my go-to 'annoy everyone song'...well, not intentionally. It's just catchy and good for when you're walking long distances), and that was heavily influenced because it was featured in a very sweet Budlight (Budweiser?) ad a few Superbowls ago. I'll probably just add this one up to supporting a favorite artist.



Have you heard of any of these artists? Do like them? Meh? What has has 2017 been in music for you? New albums? New Artists? Let me know in the comments! I'm always looking for new music?