Words Without Meaning {rambling reflections}

I am a lover of words. In the beginning it was just a story thing, but then the love grew to poetry and lyrics, quotes. Just words in all their many forms. I think you're like me. I think we write because words hold a unique power, and we hope and hope our words have a place. That these letters sewed together will, in turn, slip inside someone else's mind and become something to cherish and believe in. Oh, the beauty of words! The endless possibilities!

We create worlds and people with the paint of words. We take the achings from our hearts and etch them on pieces of paper in different forms. We save quotes, memorize scripture and poetry because well-chosen words is music to souls. There is a beauty to words, and yet... and yet, with all their power, words have this way of turning to ash and becoming nothing.

I write a lot words, but I find myself fighting to believe them day to day. They deflect off of me, never penetrating the surface, never being absorbed. Not the good ones, anyway. It seems strange, doesn't it -- that words of affirmation are low on the list of my love languages? I don't know why exactly. I can't pinpoint the reason. Maybe it's because there have been times when good words filled me with hope, and then later, they disappeared because there was no substance behind them. They were just easy words to say, and words are too easy to say without having any meaning behind them. And some words are spoken with good intentions, and the intentions were good, but there was no fulfillment of them.

So there's the issue then. It's not just the words. It's never just the words. It's a mistrust because people know the right things to say, the polite-even-though-there-is-no-substance words, and who's to say if there is actually heart behind them? It's best not to put too much weight on them then. It's not a fear decision. It's a practical decision, right?

I've grown hesitant to hope, hesitant to put too much weight on words because one action can turn a multitude of words into noise -- a chaotic, teeth-grating noise. Words can be lies, and there is only a temporary, skin-deep beauty to lies. So words deflect. The good. The bad covered with what appears good. Sometimes there is never a chance to weigh the words given too easily, and sometimes good hearts give me good words. Words that are supposed to be life-giving, that are supposed to be like an exhale to the chaos inside, but they slide off. They just slide off, and it's not that I believe my doubts and all the inner monologue in my mind more than hearts I'm meant to trust. I know my inner monologue lies. It probably lies more than anyone else and in more destructive ways, but why are life-giving words so easy to dismiss?

Maybe if someone clasped my face in their hands and made me look them in the eyes because eyes mean vulnerability, the words spoken might penetrate deeper. Maybe there are too many words, too many superfluous words mixed in. Too many opportunities for me to make excuses and dismiss them because they don't know me that well. They can't know me that well. They can't because then they'd see their words aren't true, and you can't accept words you don't believe.

There many words and many ways to make words mean nothing, and sometimes I lose sight of the words that do mean something. The God-breathed words, the ones I need to believe because God is not human, and His words are not tainted by flawed language and human misuse. His words are true and always will be, but I'll forget and then I'll remember again, and maybe each time some portion, will stay with me, and by learning to believe the words that are changeless, words given to me by good hearts will be easier to accept. It's all a circle.

I think I might grasp a small piece of the importance of writing words of meaning. More than that, to live a life where the words I SPEAK mean something because writing well without speaking and living in accordance means nothing. And maybe some other heart will become a little less hesitant and someone else's wound will ache a little less.

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This is mostly just a thought dump.
 I haven't reached any grand conclusion so please, share YOUR thoughts in the comments! Any of you writers out there wrestle with these wonderings?