Perspective

You were so broken,

And I wanted to fix you,

To piece back together

The parts that have left you, 

To set your heart back to beating

The steady rhythm that I know,

But how could I fix you

When I'm as broken myself?

I don't know what it is to be whole,

But I've always imagined you were.

It must be my fault, then,

That I now see this new fracture .

I set you too high,

And now you have too far to fall.

No, you've already fallen

And shattered high flying theories of life

- my high flying theories of life,

But now that I know you are broken,

Will you let my hands touch your scars?

Will you let me close enough

-Close enough to put two pieces back together?

My hands don't know how to be gentle,

But I'll learn.

I won't use the same touch

As I cruelly use on myself.

I'll even approach on tiptoes

To keep from frightening your soul. 

I see you reach out your hand

As I slip into your land.

"Come close. Don't be afraid."

I lift up my eyes at your voice 

And wonder and stare and smile.

"You are broken - let me fix you."

I stand where I am 

-Your words are my words,

Only said in reverse.

You see my brokenness,

And I see your fractures.

I don't know how to fix you,

But I hope you will fix me,

Or maybe we'll learn

-Learn to fix one another

Or maybe we'll learn

To live broken together. 

Screenshots of May

Let me hide away in these pages

Because it is safe within these pages.

They can't hurt me within these pages.

So what if love can't find me here?

Love isn't some cure for hurt.

It multiplies the aftershock of angry words,

Of careless words thrown at a misunderstood heart.

Should have said it then.

Should have said it to your face.

Should have said it

Before you were in too deep.

You could have left me on the beach. 

What have we lost because we would not sacrifice ourselves? 

Your emotions are fuel for the fire,

And I've been fighting my own desire. 

I gave you a piece of my broken,

But I should have waited.

It wasn't ever what you wanted. 

Love lives long enough

For you to forget

About a life

Where you survived

Without her. 

May was filled with a couple day adventures. Horse riding in the foothills. Tandem biking by the Columbia river. And a whole lot of the outdoors and green things and planting the beautiful seedlings I started in my green house and picking my first bunch of radishes. And I started maybe realizing my garden can look beautiful even if I see the weeds that need to be pulled. And finding my peace out there again. Now I need to find my peace from day to day.

Mostly my energy was sucked up with relationships and work. I did bake two pies. Tried my hand at a strawberry-rhubarb which I made for a friend's Birthday, and I remembered how much I do love baking. And once again I remembered I can mostly do anything I put my mind to in the kitchen. Now if I only felt that way about all things life.

I'm sorry for not getting around to visit all your blogs, but I'm trying to pull myself in and start fresh. And it's definitely a challenge. I hope you all had a lovely May and your June is looking bright!