Growing Pains

Have I lost my voice?

Or are these just growing pains?

Is something changing deep inside?

Or am I still the same?

Did I know how to use my words

At a time when I was free

From this criticizing voice?

Or have I always been like this

- A wretched, doubting servant

whose uses are so few?

There I go again -

To think you wouldn't use me

Because perfection is what you seek.

Perfection is my point of view.

It was never yours.

You are too wise to mistake us for that.

Am I meant to blindly go

With unshaking convictions deep within?

Someone says one thing;

Another says something else.

I believe and fall for each.

I know nothing of myself.

I cannot understand my own voice.

My heart fools me

As if I've never been fooled before

By the ever-changing flow

Filling the corners of my mind.

 I could use some clarity-

A little word straight from the wise,

But they have never stopped me.

It's you that I really need. 

I think I've lost my push,

My force, on and on.

My words hold no rhythm or rhyme,

And I am a stranger here.

So have I lost my voice?

Or are these just growing pains? 

Am I rebelling like a fool?

Or despairing with no hope?

My foolish heart won't stop its lies,

And I cannot hear internal melody.