Unexpected Admission to Guilt

Please go ahead and fix me,

If you think I'm fixable.

(Tall demand for human hands)

I just know I can't fix myself.

I can't sew these holes back up.

Can't find the soil

To fill the ditch.

Isn't it time yet?

Don't you think I've been broken long enough?

(Oh yes, you know I'm broken.

You're close and study all my flaws).

I don't think I can hide these scars,

These newest medals of my falls.

The secret will get out.*

*Surprise I'm only human

(Unexpected admission to guilt).

I breathe and bleed the same as you,

Just as shattered into two.

(But still, you might be better

So I'll check for sure

-Can you fix this brokenness?)

I'm not where I'm supposed to be.

I should be farther.

I should be perfect,

(Because everyone else is,

Because that's where perfection is)

Not just where eyes can see

But everywhere.

(And this glue doesn't work.

It doesn't do me any good.

Neither do the nails, the screws,

Everything I use)

Do you think I'm fixable?

(Or worth fixing,

Worth the time it takes

To put me back together)

Then go ahead and fix me.

Put hand and foot together. 

(I am so desperate to feel

I don't care how other hands believe

I should be put together)

Here I am more broken.

Perfection

-Tall demand for human hands. 

+++

I've been thinking a lot about the lies we end up believing (even when the voice of logic tries to poorly [if you're anything like me] counteract them). So many of the voices inside of our heads have just a bit of truth to what they say, just enough to make us stumble over them. Sometimes logic tells us that the pit we've fallen into is all our fault or that we're overreacting to circumstances or reading into other people's actions or lack of actions. It's our fault, and we should fix it. 

I'm trying to learn to fight those thoughts, to recognize that our minds are battlefields (and so often, they are our primary battlefields). We belittle the thoughts and emotions as if they're just a result of a 'funky' mood, when they are the evidence of a battle erupting. It's so important that we tackle the unhealthy thoughts entering our mind before they make their home there. We have too much at stake to we give up our ground to them. It's the easiest battle to lose, and it's the most important to win.

My posting may be a bit irregular because another of my brothers is visiting, and it is enough to work, sleep, and peoplize.