Merry Christmas

In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan,

Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone;

Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow,

In the bleak midwinter, long ago.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him, nor earth sustain;

Heaven and earth shall flee away when He comes to reign.

In the bleak midwinter a stable place sufficed

The Lord God Almighty, Jesus Christ.

Enough for Him, whom cherubim, worship night and day,

Breastful of milk, and a mangerful of hay;

Enough for Him, whom angels fall before,

The ox and ass and camel which adore.

Angels and archangels may have gathered there,

Cherubim and seraphim thronged the air;

But His mother only, in her maiden bliss,

Worshipped the beloved with a kiss.

What can I give Him, poor as I am?

If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;

If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;

Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

- Christina Rosetti 

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope yours was a blessed one. 

Soundtrack of 2017

I listen to a lot of music every year (I haven't dared look at my Spotify stats, though). I use Spotify quite a bit, but since I don't really like music subscriptions, I also do a lot of listening on my phone where all my personal collection is uploaded. My job currently is cleaning different people's houses, and with that sort of job, music truly is my sanity (and definitely one of the perks - at least if you get sick of the music, you're getting sick of your own). I decided I'd do a collection of the musical albums I've added this year, why I bought them, whether they lived up to my hope, and my favorite songs on them.

1. 

 Atlas: Year 2 - Sleeping At Last 

Sleeping at Last is one of my favorite musicians. Ever. He releases music a little different than other artists. He puts out several EPs per year, and in about a year and a half, it makes up a twenty-four song album (about). People can subscribe on his website so that they'll get his music as he releases it. I decided to do that, and it's been really fun. He's brilliant, guys, with his ideas, his lyrics, and his instrumentation. I can't wait to listen to each new song, and it's been awhile since I've been that enthusiastic about a musician. One of the reasons I like him is because of how hopeful he makes his songs, even the sadder ones, and that always rub off on me. With this album, he decided to do an EP with songs inspired by the eneagram. I hadn't heard read much on that personality categorization, but I did after hearing about these songs, and I've learned a lot about myself through it. I also love the songs he has written based on my personality type combination. If you were my best friend, I'd make you sit down a listen to every single one of his songs and read the lyrics (which is like...90, maybe?), but I think my favorites (picking my favorites hurts) might be 'Sight', 'Heart', 'One', and 'Two'. 

2.

Perception - NF

This is NF's third album (And my go-to on days when I'm just frustrated with life). Each time another releases, it takes a few listens for it to grow on me, but the depth of passion in his songs win me over, and I end up not disappointed. My favorite kind of music is the kind that makes me feel something, not just for the first few listens, but every single time. NF's music does that for me. This album is no different. Granted, there are two songs I tend to skip which is a first when it comes to his albums. My favorites are 'Intro III', 'Dreams', 'If You want Love', and 'Remember This'. Definitely, definitely worth it. 

3.

Night Visions - Imagine Dragons

(Also my go-to on frustrated days) I picked up these two Imagine Dragon albums back in the beginning of the year when they were featured $5 dollar albums on Amazon (for the good of my bank account, I stopped looking every month after that). So I'll start with saying that these were very much worth the price. Once again, I was drawn to the passion of their music and their lyrics, and, I guess, the bittersweetness of each song. They all seem very personal which has made them become personal to me, if that makes sense. I don't know. - These albums are also both a bit more energetic which makes them good for slow days and work. My favorites on this album are 'It's Time', 'Bleeding Out,' 'Nothing Left to Say', and 'Hear Me', and 'Demons', and 'On Top of the World', 'Every Night'...well, folks, this is why I bought it. 

4. 

Smoke & Mirrors - Imagine Dragon

Favorites on this are 'Shots', 'I Bet My Life', 'Dream', and 'The Fall'. Not as many favorites as the first one, but I like the ones I like enough to make the buy worthwhile. 

5.

To Be Alive - Akw

This artist is one of those obscure ones I stumbled across on accident. I'll admit that not all their songs are obviously distinct, but I really like the overarching sound. This album is one of those you listen to in the dark when you can't sleep or on a rainy day. It's simple and haunting and bittersweet. I also like how they have a buildup to their bridges. My favorites, I guess, are 'Desperate', 'The Hunt', 'Walk Home', and 'To Be Alive' (...might as well have just said every song). 

6.

Yearbook - Sleeping at Last

Another more recent addition, and since it has about 30+ songs on it, I haven't grown as familiar with it as Sleeping at Last's other stuff (which is why it's #6 on this list). This is the first album where he began to change his song-writing format. I believe he released three songs per month on this project (did I mention he has someone create artwork for each of his EPs? It's so creative, too). The different songs might not pop out quite as clear as his newer work, but I also think I need to give it a few more listens. Sometimes you have to pay attention to the lyrics before the songs become something. I guess I need to go on another roadtrip, but so far my favorites on this are 'Noble Aim', 'Emphasis', 'Snow', and 'Hourglass'. 

7.

My Head is an Animal - Of Monsters and Men

This band is from Iceland, and their lyrics are very interesting (+ strange - a little? To be honest, I haven't read every single lyric. Bits and pieces filter through, and I'm like, 'huh?'), but I enjoy their sound (accordions, yes). My favorites are 'Little Talks', 'King and Lionhearted',  'Love Love Love', and 'Yellow Light'.

8.

Fear & Fable - Fleurie

I discovered Fleurie when she was featured on NF's first album and really liked her voice so I came across this collection of songs. There's specifically two songs on this that made buying this EP worthwhile - 'Hymn' and 'Chasing All the Stars'. Those two are so good, and if you look her up, listen to them. But since this is another newer album, I imagine it'd be easy for the other tracks to grow on me. Her style is very calm and melancholy which works great for background music (not so much for upbeat housecleaning, though). 

9.

Covers, Vol. 1 - Sleeping at Last

Okay, so I just barely got this album. I've given it three listens and know most of the songs. It wouldn't have been my top pick, but there's this music subscription called Emusic (it's only worth it if you know of some really obscure artists or the early stuff of less obscure artists), and I ended up having a lot of music credits to use; so I bought this. I have to say I like 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)' the best (it's my go-to 'annoy everyone song'...well, not intentionally. It's just catchy and good for when you're walking long distances), and that was heavily influenced because it was featured in a very sweet Budlight (Budweiser?) ad a few Superbowls ago. I'll probably just add this one up to supporting a favorite artist.



Have you heard of any of these artists? Do like them? Meh? What has has 2017 been in music for you? New albums? New Artists? Let me know in the comments! I'm always looking for new music?

Fighting Forgetfulness

Why am I even doing this? What's the point? All I ever do is go non-stop to sew up the loose ends other people leave, to pick up the slack. Why am I out here working again when everyone else is on their computer or reading? I should do what she says. I should just focus on my own stuff. Besides, when is enough enough? I could keep going like this forever, and it'd make no difference. Why don't they ever think about helping me? This isn't even my project!

Hold up! Where are these bitter, angry thoughts coming from? Just last night I was reading Ann Voskamp's The Broken Way. She was talking about serving and loving and giving. And I wanted that so much. I wanted to help people, to love people, even the unlovable ones. And yet, here I am having a hard time loving the people who actually, in their human broken way, love me back. That feeling of having a world of potential inside but no outlet - where did that go? That feeling of a lightbulb coming on. Yes, this is the way I should live, but how? That feeling of overflowing with love, but no one to love - where'd that go, too?

Ann wrote about a study that showed when a person helps someone else more than three times a day, they end up feeling less stressed. Not the big, earth-shattering help. No, just the simple acts of kindness, of giving of one's self and energy. Open doors. Hang up clothes. Move along laundry. Let someone else go in line before you. Cook dinner. The mundane. The mind-numbing.

Then what on earth am I doing wrong? Why don't I feel less stressed? Why do I feel suffocated when I think that someone might ask one more thing of me? I wash dishes by hand after everyone else has already gone to bed. I hardly have an hour of quiet to myself unless I stay up hours after everyone else has gone to bed. I give of myself. I give of myself, but why aren't I filled? Is it because I do them for the wrong reasons? I don't know my reasons. I just can't stop myself.

Ann also wrote about what she called 'chronic soul amnesia'. Our faithful forgetfulness - oh, you can sure count on it more than anything else in the world. Temptations? They're hardly needed. We forget what we're supposed to know, and then it doesn't occur to us there's a battlefield going on inside of our mind. Just these thoughts. These thoughts that tear and rip and shred every bit of hope and joy and thankfulness.

This chronic soul amnesia is why we have to continually relearn lessons again. It's why we spend a year trying to move on and end up in the exact same place spiritually.

I forget so much. I forget that nothing we do for the Lord is useless (1 Corinthians 15:58). That we can do all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). That we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13). That He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). That He is actually in us (John 14:23). That He is the only giver of peace and we shouldn't be afraid (John 14:27).  That we should always be joyful and prayerful and thankful 'for this is God's will' (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

And still with all these promises, I forget. I stumble and trip, and I get mad at myself because I'm so human. I go from light bulb moments when I think I finally get it to the darkest places in seconds. My forgetfulness is constant, but I'm not.

That's why we're supposed to read the Bible every day. That's why we purposely memorize portions of Truth. That's why we listen to songs reinforcing Truths. That's why we do Communion. That's why we surround ourselves with people like us who fight this forgetfulness. It's so we don't forget, and if we do, we'll remember it all again soon.

#

I don't know. These are just the rambling thoughts of a frustrating day, a frustrating week. What are your thoughts on this? Do you struggle with this chronic soul amnesia? What do you do to help yourself remember? You all should read 'The Broken Way' by Ann Voskamp. It was a bit rough getting back into her style, but she writes poignantly. So many wonderings. So much possibility.

Snapshots of November (And Words)

The passage of time can get me feeling blue too easily. It's something I've struggled with for a long time. And when you feel like you haven't been using the time given to you to its fullest potential, you stumble down the path of asking what is the point of every single thing you do. Not a great place to be. But then Tracey over at her blog included a verse in one of her posts about something else, and it's funny how you might read the Bible year after year and still miss or forget so many essential verses. 

So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. - 1 Corinthians 15:58

NOTHING YOU EVER DO FOR THE lORD IS EVER USELESS. 

If only I knew that. And remembered that. And took it to heart. And tattooed it to my arm. Because all that is left for me to do is take each day as it comes and commit the things I do to the Lord. And I pray that He will make the things I do have worth and value. But it's frustrating how forgetful I am. 

Without further ado. This is my month. It won't (probably) be as long as last month's rambles. 

On November 5th marked twelve years of consistent journaling with maybe one erratic year and a few days here and there. So lots of very mundane days were documented. I always love how my little self would end the day's entry with 'It was a good day'. Where are you, little self?

I honestly haven't been doing much baking of late which makes me sad, but I did experiment with baking Moroccan bread (because it tasted so good at the Moroccan restaurant we went to last month in Seattle). As it ends up, the bread is actually really simple. You just make a pretty regular bread dough and add whole funnel. The funnel bit is strong off and on, but I didn't get around to making the salad they sometimes eat with it (which would even out the flavor). Oh, I also finished my garden's zucchini off in bread and made two pies for Thanksgiving (although not pictured, they were wonderful). One Apple and the other Sweet Potato pie.

Then this happened on the 5th of November. Kinda out of the blue. We haven't had snowfall in November for quite a few years. And it was a very wet 2-3 inches, but I enjoyed it. I always do, but you'll notice how the majority of the leaves are still on the trees? Made an interesting contrast. Also reminded me of when it snowed on top of the wildflowers in Springtime. It's such a joy living in one place long enough to end up seeing the little quirks.

A couple days after the snowfall, when most of the snow had melted, I went with my mom to a little college town just North of here. I've been meaning to get my passport since April, but we couldn't ever get a hold of the main branch of the USPS in town and the security/parking at the county courthouse is a pain; so off to another town we went. They're also the county seat of their county, but their courthouse was much more manageable. Less security. Friendly and helpful people. And I got a good(ish) passport picture to boot.

I don't have any plans to travel somewhere exotic, but Washington's drivers' licenses are not up to Federal standards so we won't be able to fly anywhere without a passport come January. While up there, we went for lunch and did some shopping. Although the town is smaller, because they have a college, they've managed to keep their downtown alive. On the way back, we took the backroad through the canyon (as opposed to over the three ridges), and I took a bazillion pictures out the car window. The contrasts were gorgeous.

The snow went all away. The leaves finally fell. I was out raking every spare minute (still haven't finished), and I remembered how much I love being outdoors. We have a leafblower, but there was just something about being out in the cold that makes me come alive.

I was tagged on Instagram to do a black & white, everyday photo challenge for 7 days. I was a bit worried at the start but ended up enjoying it. I haven't really ever taken staged photos or ones in black & white so it was different but definitely something I'll pursue. I guess it still holds the charms I like about photography, period. I enjoy sharing what I see with other people, but I also like experimenting with different perspectives. Catching things in a different light or catching things that most eyes just glance over.

Isn't the reflection totally awesome? I never even noticed until I was trying to take a creative picture of the cello without a decent background or real awesome lighting.

This is the only instrument featured that's actually mine (Although I might be getting a piano soon). I learned guitar on my brother's. When he moved out, I was afraid he'd take his guitar (he actually didn't) so I bought a mini Taylor guitar out of Koa wood. It's beautiful. I only wish I played better. 

So I ended up spraining my ankle the week of Thanksgiving which meant I was pretty inactive for an entire week (minus the pie making part). It was the same week my grandma was back in the hospital with an infection. So when I say Thanksgiving didn't exist. It didn't. We had cheesy hotdogs for dinner because that was the only food existing in the house. Yeah...But our Thanksgivings have never been traditional. My dad has always worked strange schedules. We've hardly ever had an immediate family, traditional Thanksgiving meal. We just waited to eat with my mom's family, but as people grow older, even what little traditions we have still change.  As it was, we did eat with my grandma the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Turkey, apple and raisin stuffing, pie, spinach pie, yams & apples, apple salad, etc. (With that menu, does it surprise you that my grandpa was an apple orchardist?). It was good.

Oh yeah, the whole spraining the ankle part was actually supposed to lead into saying I actually drew some this month. And the face wasn't half bad for having not drawn a face since last May. Second eyes still stink, though. So...I could probably ramble on endlessly because I'm good at that, but I'll stop. Right now. Right here.




Do you keep a journal? Remember the first day you ever journaled? How was your Thanksgiving? Any interesting traditions? What about the food? Favorite pies? Any of you have a passport? Where'd you go if you could go anywhere? If you've already traveled some internationally, where do you think I should go? Any of you play instruments? What kind?

Speak. I will listen. I will reply (before you die...or maybe not).

The Perfume of Quiet Happiness

I found you in a rainstorm,

Caught your hand in mine

Just as you spun away.

Was there a flicker of a smile

As I tried to catch your crazy?

You said the world smelled wonderful,

Like a wiped clean slate.

I couldn't disagree,

But all I smelled was the perfume of you 

-The perfume of quiet happiness

And dances in the rain

And the smile on your lips

That says I'm the one insane

With my solid stone shoes

And my feet that will not move. 

You disappeared beneath

The city's lighted lamps,

Becoming a cinematic cut

In some classic masterpiece,

But I could hear you laugh

Out amongst the falling drops,

Like a siren's call,

And I followed.

Followed through the downpour

And the lonely streets.

I followed as my footsteps

Blended with the falling rain,

And I think I lost you there

Where it all began 

Out on some empty street

In the middle of a rainstorm

When I should have kept your hand completely held in mine. 

How did your Thanksgiving go? Did you travel? Stay at home? What's your favorite part of  Thanksgiving? 

The Part Where I Don't Have the Answers

Answers. I scramble up the cliffs after them, snatching at their ankles and almost losing my balance. My fingernails bend as they scrape across the rock's face until they find a notch where I can anchor myself.

The answers stop. They are above me gazing down at my dirtied face, my bleeding hands, and they laugh because they know something I don't, that I won't.

So what do I have to offer?

Somebody told me once that no one needs to know when you're uncertain. We're just supposed to fake it until we make it. Things don't hinge on who we are. They hinge on what we can sell other people. If we can sell the right image, the right reassurances, then we're good to go.

Most people like shiny, perfect things. They like quick fixes (why waste our time searching for answers if someone else has already learned them?). They like to think someone somewhere does have the answers.

I like that last thing. Answers. Real, nitty-gritty answers.

But if you're looking for answers here, you probably should look somewhere else because I don't have them. I wish I did. Or maybe I wish I could pretend I did so I could make beautiful, shiny words filled with exactly what you need or what you want to hear. Oh, I would love to have something to sell you. It would be easy that way. I wouldn't feel like I should fill up when I only have empty hands.

I don't want to pretend, even if people like carefully organized lists and perfectly placed pictures and answers and a semblance of togetherness. I don't want to do that here. I don't want to wear some mask that doesn't look like me. Maybe I'm just afraid of going out on a line and saying something is definitely 'the way'.

I can't just say:

This is the way you write books.

This is way you learn to draw.

This is the way you should live.

This is the way you learn musical instruments on your own.

This is the way you bake bread.

This is the way you decide if you should pursue college or not.

This is the way you grow a beautiful garden.

This is the way you should grow in your relationship with God.

Because I can say something will work, but will it actually work? And if I know something works, but I don't actually put it into practice, what profit is that? Doesn't that make me a hypocrite?

Here's the thing, I sometimes do have answers, but the little, partial ones I find won't always fit you. I'm not you, and you're not me. My answers won't always be the same as yours because we're different. We have our unique ways of viewing the world, of solving problems, of thinking. And that's perfectly okay. We're not supposed to fit into some place we weren't created for.

I don't have perfect formulas. And sometimes maybe I should have more...plotted out plans of attack? But I could always do something more, but that's the curse of perfectionism. You can always do something better.

There's one thing I do have a lot of. Questions. So many of them, and I pray every day for wisdom so that I may have some more of those partial answers. I don't need to know a lot (although, if God gave me full answers, I'd be okay with that). I just want to know the next answer.

If you're a questioner with a handful of answers or empty hands, you're not alone because I'm here.

And I'm eager to learn. From you. From stories. From music. From Jesus.

Because 99% of the time, I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I'm just scrambling up this cliff, and it's only by the grace of God that I don't end up flat on my face.

I suppose one day eventually my questions won't matter anymore. I can't wait. But if I figure anything out before then, you'll be the first to know.

"I don't have the answer, and maybe that's okay, but we can search together." 

10 Songs To Brighten Your Day

Long, long ago when I first started in the blogging world, I used to post music I enjoyed listening to, but early on, I found out that people generally don't listen to recommended music, unless they specifically ask for recommendations. That stunk for me because I loved sharing new artists with people. In spite of that discovery (and mostly tailoring my posts to forego music), I decided I'd share a few of my favorites today. Because I've been feeling out of it (and honestly didn't have the heart to post anything real this week), I decided I'd specifically pick some tunes that fill me with hope (even though it'd be a lot easier to find the sad ones). I hope you listen to a couple and tell me what to think in the comments! 

1.

"You Don't Know How Beautiful You Are" - Jon Foreman

"Future gardens from all this rain.

Future flowers from present pain"

2.

"Farther Along" - Josh Garrels

"There's much more to life than we've been told.
It's full of beauty that will unfold
And shine like you struck gold, my wayward son.
That deadweight burden weighs a ton.
Go down to the river and let it run
And wash away all the things you've done.
Forgiveness, alright"

3.

"Holy (Wedding Day)" - The City Harmonics

"This is the story of a bride in white,
Waiting on her wedding day,
Anticipation welling up inside
While the groom is crowned as king.
O death, where is your sting?
Cause we'll be there singing,
'Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord'."

4.

"I'll Keep You Safe" - Sleeping at Last

"You are an artist,

And your heart is your masterpiece,
And I’ll keep it safe."

5. 

"Light" - Sleeping At Last

"I will soften every edge.

I'll hold the world to its best,
And I'll do better.
With every heartbeat I have left,
I will defend your every breath,
And I'll do better."

6.

"Better Place" - Rachel Platten

"But it feels like I've opened my eyes again,

And the colors are golden and bright again.
There's a song in my heart, I feel like I belong.
It's a better place since you came along.
It's a better place since you came along."

7.

"Lion" - Rebecca St. James

"This is not a dream that I'm living.

This is just a world of Your own.
You took me from all that I knew,
Shown me how it feels to hope.
With You with me facing tomorrow together,
I can learn to fly.
Feels like I'm living in a lion's mouth, but the lion is an angel."

8.

"Lifetime" - Emeli Sande

"But you last a lifetime.

You last a lifetime.

Hey, love, can we dance together?
Since I found you feels like time don't matter.
Hey, love, I feel much better.
You show me forever."

9.

"Don't Give Up" - Shawn McDonald

"I've come too far.
I've seen so much.
I've heard the call and felt the touch.
I've tasted love that I cannot deny.

Don't give up.
Don't give up.
Hold on for one more day."

10.

"Best Day of Your Life" - Katie Herzig

"Come on, jump out the door.

You can't hold it down no more.
I'll show you how the birds learned how to fly.
Don't mind leaving your nest.
Don't mind making a mess.
This might be the best day of your life."

What are your go-to songs when you're feeling blue? Do you find you gravitate to songs that reflect your mood or do you try to listen to more upbeat ones? Have you heard any of these songs? Like them? Meh? Don't have time to listen to that many songs? 

You Don't Have To Fix Me

Could we sit here for awhile?

Could we sit here in this silence?

You don't have to say a word.

Please don't say a word.

Just sit here next to me

Till this numbness starts to thaw.

You don't even have to fix me

Or put my broken pieces back together.

Just remind me 

That one day I will be able

To hold a completely perfect circle

Instead of this 

-This shattered broken thing. 

Could we sit here for awhile?

Could we sit here in this silence?

Please don't say you see my broken,

Just my broken and nothing else,

Nothing like potential or possibility.

Can you stand to see my broken

And hear it slip right off my tongue?

Can you watch me slide

Down some slope or dig my own pit 

-My own grave?

You don't have to answer.

I know it by the way you sit with me.

My broken isn't some wall

You have to will yourself right over.

My broken is like your broken.

My cracks are as invisible as yours

Until they begin to show.

This ache is one we both share,

And that is why we sit in our silences.

We sit next to each other

And our ugly brokenness,

And we overlook the flaws,

The broken fences,

The shattered windows of our souls

Because we know we only mirror. 

Snapshots of October (And Words, Lots of Words)

Please skim to your heart's content, or you'll probably hate my ramblingness. I just haven't gone all out in rambles for awhile so I let myself. 

I've never considered myself brave or adventurous. I've gone places, but I've always loved home. My room, my bed, my blankets, my pillows. The coming back always made the going away worth it. Yet, as I look back over the past year and a half, I find myself looking at someone else. Someone who isn't me because there's no way that person could be me - the play-it-safe, triple-check-to-make-sure-she-has-the-car-keys-before-shutting-the-door, no-change loving me. I look at my Instagram feed and blink. People who follow me probably think I'm someone who is always planning something fun, that I'm always on one adventure or another.

I am a lot more of an adventurer than I used to be. I've grown in some ways, and in other ways, not so much. But maybe that's the way with us humans. We excel in one area and stumble in another. We go two steps forward and one step backwards. It's frustrating to be human.

Mt. Rainier. 

October involved a lot of different, out-of-the-ordinary stuff for me. My brother had come home to visit in September and stayed for a few weeks (and somehow a few weeks still wasn't enough time). Much of September (or so it felt) was spent in the hospital because we had two family members going through different things, but October was spent outside. My brother wanted to hike so we did that twice the first week of October.

The first week of October, and there was snow! I know you'll think I'm crazy, but this delighted me. I found where Autumn and Winter met.

 I didn't realize how many hiking trails are hidden away in the forest within two hours from our house. And the more you drive certain stretches of road, the more it becomes your neck of the woods. It doesn't seem so far away or so foreign.

The first hike was up the one highway by Rimrock Lake and Dog Lake where I've gone kayaking three times this year. The actual highway along the lake was shut with construction so we had to loop around on the other side (and the hiking trail was actually off that road), but there was something invigorating about driving backroads with the windows down on a crisp Autumn day. We originally were going to go do this shorter, easier hike, but the road up to it had been closed already for Winter.

Our hike was up Round Mt. (5000+ ft.). The one-lane road (with potholes and random craters - we only scraped the car's bottom once) went up the first 3-4,000 ft, leaving a 1500 ft. climb (and about a 5.5 mile roundtrip). It was 46 degrees when we got out of the car. So who knows what it was at the top.

Washington isn't known for its Autumn colors, but the sprinkling of colors we did see was so delightful. I have this thing for reds (which is why I dyed my hair red three times so far...). The few deciduous trees (a kind of conifer, I believe) in the forest hadn't started to turn yellow yet (they stand out like torches in the midst of the evergreen trees) so it was mostly these red bushes, but their colors were so crisp.

The top was certainly worth the walk. Almost instantly I forgot about my aching muscles (I'm active, but going up hills isn't something I do on a normal basis). You could see Mt. Rainier towards the Northwest and Mt. Adams towards the Southwest (it was almost hidden by a ridge of snow-covered peaks. You could trace the snowline all along the hills). Going back down was a killer, and my hands were frozen the rest of the day. But woods. I love them so much. The air is so fresh. It's so quiet. And when you get to see views of endless forest hills and valleys, you can't help but feel small.

I guess I decided I'd like to go hiking on my Birthday (? It might have been a bit more tiring an activity than I would have chosen, but it was fun. And yes, I had another Birthday. Last year I posted a somewhat melancholy, reflection on my Birthday. This year I didn't really have time. It pounced and then was gone.). We went up a different highway this time up towards Mt. Rainier National Park. More forest, but where we hiked was more of an alpine meadow than just an evergreen forest. Sadly, most of the Summer this highway was shut because there was a wildfire burning. Even as we drove up, we could see smoke rising deeper in the forest, and the car filled with the scent. Along the road, we could see places where it was more spacious and then places where the tree trunks were partially burned, but thankfully not as desolate as I feared.

Isn't this just marvelous? And it's a wildflower that's already gone to seed.

I had never gone up there in the Autumn. We usually do it in July or August when Spring has just barely arrived on the mountain. There will be snow still up there. Everything will look unbelievably green (but, of course, since I live in a desert, any green is probably unbelievably green to me), and the wildflowers will be blooming. In October it's actually brown. And there wasn't piles of snow (though, on the backside of a ridge, there was a skiff of snow). 

My brother had informed me that this hike was called 'easy'. It was 5.9 miles and only climbed like 1300 ft (more accurate = 6.7 miles and 1400 ft...and I'm gonna laugh at the 'easy' part. We made it in three hours), but it was fun because the landscape was a lot different than the other hike. You didn't arrive at some perfectly magical spot. The views were all along the way. At one point you could see Mt. Adams and Mt. St. Helens.

But the part I most loved about this hike was how far away from other people you get. When you arrive at the end -halfway down into another valley with a lake and a view of half of Mt. Rainier's face - you feel like you are the only ones surrounded by endless rolling mountains and forests and peaks and so many hidden beauties that so few people get to see. I wish I could more accurately describe the feeling. The world is breathtakingly beautiful and truly points toward its incredible Creator. 

It wasn't such a bad way to spend a Birthday, I think. Granted, I was plenty tired,  but I think hiking in the Fall is glorious. 

With my brother gone. My birthday over and outdoor weather coming to a close, I decided to tag along with my parents when they went over to Seattle (My mom always has appointments in October. Last year it was my Birthday so we went to the Aquarium. The year before that we went to Pike's Market Place). That meant I got to enjoy glorious Fall colors (Which did not disappoint. Along the river valleys, there's a lot more colors.), eat at a Moroccan restaurant (expensive but oh so worth it. Such an interesting experience, minus the dancer...that was...a bit awkward), go to an art gallery (which absolutely delighted me. The picture above gives you a small glimpse of my favorite room. One day my house will look like that. Maybe.), and see Snoqualmie Falls again (we've gone there at least three times, but one does not tired of beauty. Plus you get to go along the backroads to get there. Past nurseries, pumpkin patches, more fall colors, perfect houses, and places I want to live).

Space Needle. There's a clip of traditional Seattle for you.

I love taking pictures of old barns so we did a little detour on the way home. There's one area that is full of them so we did a bit of wandering. I'd like an old barn one day. One of those that looks old and picturesque on the outside but is still in one piece on the inside. Not because I want animals, though. I'd like it to be an artist studio. One of my crazy dreams.

No pictures of this, but last night I finished up October with a night spent in a tent in cold weather. I've never done that, but I thought it might be interesting. It got down to about 35 degrees, and it was a little painful but not bad (thanks to four wool blankets and multiple layers of clothing).  I experimented with campfire cooking, though, and that made everything absolutely wonderful.  We did stuffed, baked apples (Those are so perfect for Autumn). Homegrown potatoes. Popcorn (I didn't know one could pop corn over the campfire, but it does work, and it's so delightfully fun!). Cider. A chicken, pepper, onion mixture for on top of the potatoes. Bacon and pancakes for breakfast (the pancakes were a bit burnt, but they still tasted so good). Campfires are perfect for Fall. I hope to do that at least a few more times before it becomes an insane undertaking. Maybe make a soup?


So...whew...if you've gotten this far, you are amazing.

What was your October like? Would you say you're an adventurer? Have you been to Washington? Do you hike or are a couple mile walks more your pace? What is your favorite season for hiking? Have you cooked on a campfire before? What about when you were growing up - did your parents cook on the campfire, or do you mostly know hotdogs? What about camping in general - hardcore or vaguely aware of such a silly thing (because who wants to willingly choose to sleep out on hard ground as opposed to a bed)? Would you camp in cold weather? How cold is too cold?

Please say something. I want more than just me rambling endlessly to an empty room.

The Bibliophile Sweater Tag

Tracey over at Adventure Awaits (you should go check out her blog) tagged me to do this. Thank you, Tracey! :)  So here goes it...

Rules:

• Give the person who tagged you a never-ending supply of cookies (or just thank them - either works) 
• Answer all the questions and use the blog graphic for this tag somewhere in your post
• Pass along the tag to at least five other people 
• Wear a sweater (okay, this is optional...but why wouldn't you want to??)

Fuzzy sweater (a book that is the epitome of comfort)

I know about a million people probably chose this book as their fuzzy sweater, but really, nothing beats this story (and this is the exact version of the book I got - the whole collection in one big volume. Doesn't really help if you just want to take along a book in case). I don't think any story will ever take its place in my favorites. The magic of it has ensnared me for life.  

Striped sweater (book which you devoured every line of)

This is a little different. I picked up this allegory last March and absolutely loved it. I could relate a lot to the main character, and there were so many beautiful ideas and pictures within its pages that gave me more understanding on certain aspects. It also reminded me God is much merciful than I am. 

Ugly Christmas sweater (book with a weird cover)

This was one of the harder ones because I don't pay that much attention to book covers? Growing up, I read a lot of older books (A lot. New books for me could still be 30 years old...), and they didn't have covers that popped out, if any. However, when I requested the Lord of the Rings Trilogy on my Christmas list years back, I didn't specify they had to have cool covers. I wouldn't say they're terrible, but...they're sort of dorky. After watching the epic movie, you then see Aragorn with a silly feather sticking out of his headgear and awesome purple clothing. Plus all the faces are strangely pointed. Oh well. Honestly they pretty much stay in their case so it doesn't matter. 

Cashmere sweater (most expensive book you've bought)

Okay, so I don't buy a whole lot of books, and if I do, they usually end up being from a thrift store or ABE Books. I usually just put whichever ones I want on my wishlist, and someone else eventually buys them for me (because as much as I would love to reread favorites, it just doesn't happen much with my slow reading). So this cost me a little more than $20 dollars, and I ended up giving it to a friend to read. It's a great book, by the by, and I would eventually like a copy, but I have a hard time buying a book for $20 for myself. 

Hoodie (favorite classic book)

This is a classic, right? Out of all the Jane Austen novels, this one has always been my favorite. Probably because I like Mr. Knightley (what is there not to like about him?). I probably watched the three different...four different movies a million times (not necessarily my choice) before reading the books, but it was really fun to read the books and find how faithful some of the film adaptions were. The conversations. The characters. The messiness, but mostly Mr. Knightley. 

Cardigan (book that you bought on impulse)

Another confession: I've never bought a random book on impulse (if by impulse, you mean seeing it and just randomly picking it up without knowing much about it or reading reviews on it, right?). This book was the closest I came to buying a book on impulse. I saw it in a store in SC and read the first chapter to find it humorous and very relatable. I was so tempted, but it was on the more expensive side, and I would have to fit it into my luggage...so...

Turtleneck sweater (book from your childhood)

 One of the first books I ever received. It's about a little girl who has the ability to kiss her elbows which means she can fly. Oh, and a toy dog whose job is to protect her. And a cat. 

Homemade knitted sweater (book that is Indie-published)

---(no idea)---

V-neck sweater (book that did not meet your expectations)

I know a lot of bloggers that loved this book and had put it on their 'all-time favorite' list so I had a lot of expectations. Sadly, it didn't live up to them. It wasn't that I didn't like the story. Most times I don't not like the books I read, I just end up being apathetic towards them. This was one of those. *hides before anyone shoots her*.

Argyle sweater (book with a unique format)

----(no idea)----

Polka dot sweater (a book with well-rounded characters)

Well-rounded, I presume, means three-dimensional? If so, this is it. I can't think of any other book I've read where the characters jump off the pages as much as in this one. Matthew, Marilla, Anne, Rachel Lynde - you never had to wonder who was talking. They were all very distinct. I always felt like I was with friends and family when reading these stories. 

Now I tag...

Ivie @ Ivie Writes

Alea @ Elvish Pens, Fantastical Writings 

Gray Marie @ Writing is Life

And anyone else who wants to do it! 

Enjoy! 

The Difficulties of Living at Home after Graduating

Some parents make it clear that the moment their child turns eighteen, they are expected to get a move on out of the house. That's just the way it is, and in some families, the kid themselves are happiest when they are on their own as soon as possible.

My parents weren't like that. We could stay on two conditions. We continued to respect each other and either paid a certain amount of money for our food and room or we'd have to work a certain amount of hours per week. This agreement started when my eldest brother lived at home for a year after graduating. It's changed from person to person, and I think that's how it should be. Now, four kids later, it's my turn to navigate this interesting agreement.  To me, their condition is perfectly reasonable. This is their house. These are their rules, and they aren't unfair

 I chose working some around the house because I'd honestly rather work here. It's always grated on me how people assume young adults living with their parents get some sort of 'out of jail free' card. Maybe that's the case for some, but I don't ever want to be considered one of those.

Even as you try to be as independent and fair as possible in such a living arrangement, there are snags. You're an adult, but you're still their kid. You're still family, but you also have this more-official agreement. You have your own life, your own job, your own personal responsibilities, but you still live under their roof and they are included in your life.

I think this might be the reason why all business-like agreements with family or close friends tend to be difficult. What if you've already reached the amount of hours you need to work that week, but something still needs to be done? Something that has a time limit on it? Are you a boarder then? Your due is paid. It's not your problem. Or are you a family member whose responsibility includes pitching in till something is finished?

You want to be love, and love doesn't say, 'Sorry, dude! I'm outta here. I've reached my hours.' Yet, if there isn't some sort of time limit, you lose your mind (true story). Sure, when you're working for someone who isn't family or close friends, the love part isn't there to complicate (a good complication, but still a complication). You work a certain amount of hours, and if their job isn't finished, they have someone else to continue the work. It's not your problem (unless you're like me and have a bad habit of adopting problems and other people's stress), but with family? Hmm.

My parents aren't that strict. They would give me more grace and mercy than I deserve if I didn't get the certain amount of hours of work accomplished for a few weeks. I sometimes wish they were more strict because that's just how I am as a person. I have expectations (sometimes unrealistic) for myself, and I could use some help figuring out this balancing act. Am I working too much? Not enough? Which part of my work is from love and because I'm part of the family unit and which part is obligatory? Where does one end and the other begin? If you're doing this work from love, when do you get to say it's time to rest?

Being able to stay at home while pursuing more education or saving money for the next thing is a blessing. Yet, it can still have its difficulties. The most important part is good communication. Make sure you know what is expected of you from yourself and your parents and how it all works together. Sounds hard? It is, but it is also very worth it.


Do you still live at home? How does that work? Do your parents have certain expectations? What do you expect of yourself? What's the hardest part of living at home for you? Do you have any tips?