Snapshots of October (And Words, Lots of Words)

Please skim to your heart's content, or you'll probably hate my ramblingness. I just haven't gone all out in rambles for awhile so I let myself. 

I've never considered myself brave or adventurous. I've gone places, but I've always loved home. My room, my bed, my blankets, my pillows. The coming back always made the going away worth it. Yet, as I look back over the past year and a half, I find myself looking at someone else. Someone who isn't me because there's no way that person could be me - the play-it-safe, triple-check-to-make-sure-she-has-the-car-keys-before-shutting-the-door, no-change loving me. I look at my Instagram feed and blink. People who follow me probably think I'm someone who is always planning something fun, that I'm always on one adventure or another.

I am a lot more of an adventurer than I used to be. I've grown in some ways, and in other ways, not so much. But maybe that's the way with us humans. We excel in one area and stumble in another. We go two steps forward and one step backwards. It's frustrating to be human.

Mt. Rainier. 

October involved a lot of different, out-of-the-ordinary stuff for me. My brother had come home to visit in September and stayed for a few weeks (and somehow a few weeks still wasn't enough time). Much of September (or so it felt) was spent in the hospital because we had two family members going through different things, but October was spent outside. My brother wanted to hike so we did that twice the first week of October.

The first week of October, and there was snow! I know you'll think I'm crazy, but this delighted me. I found where Autumn and Winter met.

 I didn't realize how many hiking trails are hidden away in the forest within two hours from our house. And the more you drive certain stretches of road, the more it becomes your neck of the woods. It doesn't seem so far away or so foreign.

The first hike was up the one highway by Rimrock Lake and Dog Lake where I've gone kayaking three times this year. The actual highway along the lake was shut with construction so we had to loop around on the other side (and the hiking trail was actually off that road), but there was something invigorating about driving backroads with the windows down on a crisp Autumn day. We originally were going to go do this shorter, easier hike, but the road up to it had been closed already for Winter.

Our hike was up Round Mt. (5000+ ft.). The one-lane road (with potholes and random craters - we only scraped the car's bottom once) went up the first 3-4,000 ft, leaving a 1500 ft. climb (and about a 5.5 mile roundtrip). It was 46 degrees when we got out of the car. So who knows what it was at the top.

Washington isn't known for its Autumn colors, but the sprinkling of colors we did see was so delightful. I have this thing for reds (which is why I dyed my hair red three times so far...). The few deciduous trees (a kind of conifer, I believe) in the forest hadn't started to turn yellow yet (they stand out like torches in the midst of the evergreen trees) so it was mostly these red bushes, but their colors were so crisp.

The top was certainly worth the walk. Almost instantly I forgot about my aching muscles (I'm active, but going up hills isn't something I do on a normal basis). You could see Mt. Rainier towards the Northwest and Mt. Adams towards the Southwest (it was almost hidden by a ridge of snow-covered peaks. You could trace the snowline all along the hills). Going back down was a killer, and my hands were frozen the rest of the day. But woods. I love them so much. The air is so fresh. It's so quiet. And when you get to see views of endless forest hills and valleys, you can't help but feel small.

I guess I decided I'd like to go hiking on my Birthday (? It might have been a bit more tiring an activity than I would have chosen, but it was fun. And yes, I had another Birthday. Last year I posted a somewhat melancholy, reflection on my Birthday. This year I didn't really have time. It pounced and then was gone.). We went up a different highway this time up towards Mt. Rainier National Park. More forest, but where we hiked was more of an alpine meadow than just an evergreen forest. Sadly, most of the Summer this highway was shut because there was a wildfire burning. Even as we drove up, we could see smoke rising deeper in the forest, and the car filled with the scent. Along the road, we could see places where it was more spacious and then places where the tree trunks were partially burned, but thankfully not as desolate as I feared.

Isn't this just marvelous? And it's a wildflower that's already gone to seed.

I had never gone up there in the Autumn. We usually do it in July or August when Spring has just barely arrived on the mountain. There will be snow still up there. Everything will look unbelievably green (but, of course, since I live in a desert, any green is probably unbelievably green to me), and the wildflowers will be blooming. In October it's actually brown. And there wasn't piles of snow (though, on the backside of a ridge, there was a skiff of snow). 

My brother had informed me that this hike was called 'easy'. It was 5.9 miles and only climbed like 1300 ft (more accurate = 6.7 miles and 1400 ft...and I'm gonna laugh at the 'easy' part. We made it in three hours), but it was fun because the landscape was a lot different than the other hike. You didn't arrive at some perfectly magical spot. The views were all along the way. At one point you could see Mt. Adams and Mt. St. Helens.

But the part I most loved about this hike was how far away from other people you get. When you arrive at the end -halfway down into another valley with a lake and a view of half of Mt. Rainier's face - you feel like you are the only ones surrounded by endless rolling mountains and forests and peaks and so many hidden beauties that so few people get to see. I wish I could more accurately describe the feeling. The world is breathtakingly beautiful and truly points toward its incredible Creator. 

It wasn't such a bad way to spend a Birthday, I think. Granted, I was plenty tired,  but I think hiking in the Fall is glorious. 

With my brother gone. My birthday over and outdoor weather coming to a close, I decided to tag along with my parents when they went over to Seattle (My mom always has appointments in October. Last year it was my Birthday so we went to the Aquarium. The year before that we went to Pike's Market Place). That meant I got to enjoy glorious Fall colors (Which did not disappoint. Along the river valleys, there's a lot more colors.), eat at a Moroccan restaurant (expensive but oh so worth it. Such an interesting experience, minus the dancer...that was...a bit awkward), go to an art gallery (which absolutely delighted me. The picture above gives you a small glimpse of my favorite room. One day my house will look like that. Maybe.), and see Snoqualmie Falls again (we've gone there at least three times, but one does not tired of beauty. Plus you get to go along the backroads to get there. Past nurseries, pumpkin patches, more fall colors, perfect houses, and places I want to live).

Space Needle. There's a clip of traditional Seattle for you.

I love taking pictures of old barns so we did a little detour on the way home. There's one area that is full of them so we did a bit of wandering. I'd like an old barn one day. One of those that looks old and picturesque on the outside but is still in one piece on the inside. Not because I want animals, though. I'd like it to be an artist studio. One of my crazy dreams.

No pictures of this, but last night I finished up October with a night spent in a tent in cold weather. I've never done that, but I thought it might be interesting. It got down to about 35 degrees, and it was a little painful but not bad (thanks to four wool blankets and multiple layers of clothing).  I experimented with campfire cooking, though, and that made everything absolutely wonderful.  We did stuffed, baked apples (Those are so perfect for Autumn). Homegrown potatoes. Popcorn (I didn't know one could pop corn over the campfire, but it does work, and it's so delightfully fun!). Cider. A chicken, pepper, onion mixture for on top of the potatoes. Bacon and pancakes for breakfast (the pancakes were a bit burnt, but they still tasted so good). Campfires are perfect for Fall. I hope to do that at least a few more times before it becomes an insane undertaking. Maybe make a soup?


So...whew...if you've gotten this far, you are amazing.

What was your October like? Would you say you're an adventurer? Have you been to Washington? Do you hike or are a couple mile walks more your pace? What is your favorite season for hiking? Have you cooked on a campfire before? What about when you were growing up - did your parents cook on the campfire, or do you mostly know hotdogs? What about camping in general - hardcore or vaguely aware of such a silly thing (because who wants to willingly choose to sleep out on hard ground as opposed to a bed)? Would you camp in cold weather? How cold is too cold?

Please say something. I want more than just me rambling endlessly to an empty room.

The Bibliophile Sweater Tag

Tracey over at Adventure Awaits (you should go check out her blog) tagged me to do this. Thank you, Tracey! :)  So here goes it...

Rules:

• Give the person who tagged you a never-ending supply of cookies (or just thank them - either works) 
• Answer all the questions and use the blog graphic for this tag somewhere in your post
• Pass along the tag to at least five other people 
• Wear a sweater (okay, this is optional...but why wouldn't you want to??)

Fuzzy sweater (a book that is the epitome of comfort)

I know about a million people probably chose this book as their fuzzy sweater, but really, nothing beats this story (and this is the exact version of the book I got - the whole collection in one big volume. Doesn't really help if you just want to take along a book in case). I don't think any story will ever take its place in my favorites. The magic of it has ensnared me for life.  

Striped sweater (book which you devoured every line of)

This is a little different. I picked up this allegory last March and absolutely loved it. I could relate a lot to the main character, and there were so many beautiful ideas and pictures within its pages that gave me more understanding on certain aspects. It also reminded me God is much merciful than I am. 

Ugly Christmas sweater (book with a weird cover)

This was one of the harder ones because I don't pay that much attention to book covers? Growing up, I read a lot of older books (A lot. New books for me could still be 30 years old...), and they didn't have covers that popped out, if any. However, when I requested the Lord of the Rings Trilogy on my Christmas list years back, I didn't specify they had to have cool covers. I wouldn't say they're terrible, but...they're sort of dorky. After watching the epic movie, you then see Aragorn with a silly feather sticking out of his headgear and awesome purple clothing. Plus all the faces are strangely pointed. Oh well. Honestly they pretty much stay in their case so it doesn't matter. 

Cashmere sweater (most expensive book you've bought)

Okay, so I don't buy a whole lot of books, and if I do, they usually end up being from a thrift store or ABE Books. I usually just put whichever ones I want on my wishlist, and someone else eventually buys them for me (because as much as I would love to reread favorites, it just doesn't happen much with my slow reading). So this cost me a little more than $20 dollars, and I ended up giving it to a friend to read. It's a great book, by the by, and I would eventually like a copy, but I have a hard time buying a book for $20 for myself. 

Hoodie (favorite classic book)

This is a classic, right? Out of all the Jane Austen novels, this one has always been my favorite. Probably because I like Mr. Knightley (what is there not to like about him?). I probably watched the three different...four different movies a million times (not necessarily my choice) before reading the books, but it was really fun to read the books and find how faithful some of the film adaptions were. The conversations. The characters. The messiness, but mostly Mr. Knightley. 

Cardigan (book that you bought on impulse)

Another confession: I've never bought a random book on impulse (if by impulse, you mean seeing it and just randomly picking it up without knowing much about it or reading reviews on it, right?). This book was the closest I came to buying a book on impulse. I saw it in a store in SC and read the first chapter to find it humorous and very relatable. I was so tempted, but it was on the more expensive side, and I would have to fit it into my luggage...so...

Turtleneck sweater (book from your childhood)

 One of the first books I ever received. It's about a little girl who has the ability to kiss her elbows which means she can fly. Oh, and a toy dog whose job is to protect her. And a cat. 

Homemade knitted sweater (book that is Indie-published)

---(no idea)---

V-neck sweater (book that did not meet your expectations)

I know a lot of bloggers that loved this book and had put it on their 'all-time favorite' list so I had a lot of expectations. Sadly, it didn't live up to them. It wasn't that I didn't like the story. Most times I don't not like the books I read, I just end up being apathetic towards them. This was one of those. *hides before anyone shoots her*.

Argyle sweater (book with a unique format)

----(no idea)----

Polka dot sweater (a book with well-rounded characters)

Well-rounded, I presume, means three-dimensional? If so, this is it. I can't think of any other book I've read where the characters jump off the pages as much as in this one. Matthew, Marilla, Anne, Rachel Lynde - you never had to wonder who was talking. They were all very distinct. I always felt like I was with friends and family when reading these stories. 

Now I tag...

Ivie @ Ivie Writes

Alea @ Elvish Pens, Fantastical Writings 

Gray Marie @ Writing is Life

And anyone else who wants to do it! 

Enjoy! 

The Difficulties of Living at Home after Graduating

Some parents make it clear that the moment their child turns eighteen, they are expected to get a move on out of the house. That's just the way it is, and in some families, the kid themselves are happiest when they are on their own as soon as possible.

My parents weren't like that. We could stay on two conditions. We continued to respect each other and either paid a certain amount of money for our food and room or we'd have to work a certain amount of hours per week. This agreement started when my eldest brother lived at home for a year after graduating. It's changed from person to person, and I think that's how it should be. Now, four kids later, it's my turn to navigate this interesting agreement.  To me, their condition is perfectly reasonable. This is their house. These are their rules, and they aren't unfair

 I chose working some around the house because I'd honestly rather work here. It's always grated on me how people assume young adults living with their parents get some sort of 'out of jail free' card. Maybe that's the case for some, but I don't ever want to be considered one of those.

Even as you try to be as independent and fair as possible in such a living arrangement, there are snags. You're an adult, but you're still their kid. You're still family, but you also have this more-official agreement. You have your own life, your own job, your own personal responsibilities, but you still live under their roof and they are included in your life.

I think this might be the reason why all business-like agreements with family or close friends tend to be difficult. What if you've already reached the amount of hours you need to work that week, but something still needs to be done? Something that has a time limit on it? Are you a boarder then? Your due is paid. It's not your problem. Or are you a family member whose responsibility includes pitching in till something is finished?

You want to be love, and love doesn't say, 'Sorry, dude! I'm outta here. I've reached my hours.' Yet, if there isn't some sort of time limit, you lose your mind (true story). Sure, when you're working for someone who isn't family or close friends, the love part isn't there to complicate (a good complication, but still a complication). You work a certain amount of hours, and if their job isn't finished, they have someone else to continue the work. It's not your problem (unless you're like me and have a bad habit of adopting problems and other people's stress), but with family? Hmm.

My parents aren't that strict. They would give me more grace and mercy than I deserve if I didn't get the certain amount of hours of work accomplished for a few weeks. I sometimes wish they were more strict because that's just how I am as a person. I have expectations (sometimes unrealistic) for myself, and I could use some help figuring out this balancing act. Am I working too much? Not enough? Which part of my work is from love and because I'm part of the family unit and which part is obligatory? Where does one end and the other begin? If you're doing this work from love, when do you get to say it's time to rest?

Being able to stay at home while pursuing more education or saving money for the next thing is a blessing. Yet, it can still have its difficulties. The most important part is good communication. Make sure you know what is expected of you from yourself and your parents and how it all works together. Sounds hard? It is, but it is also very worth it.


Do you still live at home? How does that work? Do your parents have certain expectations? What do you expect of yourself? What's the hardest part of living at home for you? Do you have any tips?

It's Okay to Ask for Help

I don't like asking for help. At all. I'll go high and low to avoid it, even if the help would give me peace of mind or save me from hours of extra work or worry that could have been avoided.

Nope. I'm absolutely, most assuredly not going to ask. Besides, I know exactly what they're going to say. They're going to say something I don't like, and it's not just that. They'll probably say something that shows how little they know me. And it's just too tiring to tell them all the reasons they're wrong, and wait, you're not supposed to swat down brainstorming ideas so you just have to politely listen, all the while boiling up inside, because they assume a lot and you don't actually need this help anymore and the whole thing was a failure...and...and...

And sometimes I just feel like it's way too much work to ask for advice.

But you know what?

It's not this whole exhausting thing. At least it doesn't have to be as long as we don't toss our pearls to swine. It's easy to let these negative interactions leave a nasty taste in our mouths. To keep us from experiencing the good parts. In our minds, we reason away the work of admitting our vulnerability because we're all flawed humans and no one has it more together than any other and anyway we know everything ourselves. But sometimes we have scraped the bottom. We are not enough, and we are being suffocated by that very 'not enoughness'. There's absolutely nowhere to go, and we've put great big walls all around us, and we are isolate because we're supposed to be able to do this on our own, but you know what?

It's still okay to ask for help. It's never too late to ask for help.

Yes, we're all flawed humans, and we don't have everything together, and some of the most respected individuals have revealed over time their sin stains to us. But being helped up by someone who stands a little taller than you, whose feet are on a more solid rock, whose love speaks loudly, is how it's meant to be. God wants us to always be growing. To be lifting our younger brothers and sisters all the while being lifted ourselves. None of us will ever fully arrive.

If you need help, ask for it because...

1. We all get worn out and tired and discouraged.

And we lose our ability to see our problems clearly. We can't get far enough away to view the big picture. We're stuck in the valley, and sometimes it's good to have a watchman up on the top telling us what is waiting on the other side or which place is easier to climb because they've already done it.

2. Nobody knows everything, even if we mostly think we do.

There's always room for learning, and every single person you meet knows something you don't. I got this pride thing. It's really hard. I'd rather exhaust every ounce of me before showing I don't have it altogether. I don't want to be viewed as stupid because I should know this and this, even though I don't. I don't want to be viewed as lazy because I could have figured this out if I'd only give it time and energy. I don't want to be a bother. Yet, on the other hand, if someone thought I could help them, I would. Without hesitation, I would give their problem, their worries, all of my attention. I'd even wonder, "Why are they asking me? Why do they think I could have this wisdom?" I am humbled by someone asking me for help. 

3. I think it's something God wants. 

There aren't a whole lot of verses exactly on the idea of having mentors or counselors, but there is a lot about us sharpening each other, encouraging each other, mourning with one another, financially helping one another. Because of the way things are structured, I believe God had that kind of thing in mind. He made families. Fathers and mothers to guide us in the way we should go, but sometimes they just can't help or are not around. He placed church elders and pastors for guiders. Sometimes even paid counselors. God can use anyone to bless us, anyone to lift us up, dust us off, and send us on our way.


Is it hard for you to ask for help or is it just me? What has been your most helpful advice? Least helpful? How do you feel about giving advice? 

Recenter

Take a breath
And let it out.
Just let me breathe
In and out.
Slow this pulse.
Slow this pace.
Pull this heaviness
From off my chest.
Stop the chase.
I can run forever
But arrive nowhere, 
If you're not there.
Force the fear 
From all my veins.
Unclench these knotted fists
And give me something to grasp,
Something like grace.
Don't gaze on imperfections.
Let me pass before you now.
Don't only see my broken.
Don't let me only see 
What I haven't got
And what I might never achieve.
Let me breathe,
Just breathe,
And try to remember.
Try to recenter myself
On something other than myself.
Slow the clock's time.
Slow the world's spinning 
So I might catch my breath
And not be left behind.
My chest is a bomb
With a fuse ever shortening.
I am only myself,
And myself is not enough.
So reach out your hand,
Uncoil these springing clock's wires.
Reach out your hand.
Maybe your touch will remember 
What peace is actually like
Because there is no peace
And no breath, no relief, 
And no curable pain
Where it's just me and myself,
And so just let me breathe.
Just lift this pain from my heart.
Remind me, after another fresh breath,
There's always a brand new start.

(My apologies for not keeping up on answering comments and reading your blogs and commenting. It's been a stressful few weeks for my family, but I hope things will start winding down a bit, and I'll get back on top of everything.)