2017

We sat in the family room, all in a circle, discussing the highlights of the past year. It wasn't New Years' Eve. On New Years' Eve, we were all in bed by 12. I hadn't been asleep when the numbers turned to 1/1/18. Noises from outside came through. Revving engines from a neighbor. Fireworks filling the valley. In some ways, it didn't seem much like a new year was coming around. Even later when we sat in the circle, it was hard to know where 2017 had gone.

The passage of time has always left me feeling a little melancholy. When we're supposed to be rejoicing in a new year, a new day, a new slate, I have difficulty letting that slate be wiped completely clean. I have the mindset of 'another year, another day - how can I muck this up? How can I waste another year?' But it's not all concentrated on what I can do to mess things up. It's also like 'what can life throw at us now?' - A general resistance to the very things that will leave us, if we let them, looking a little more like Christ. A resistance because growing hurts, especially when you look back and wonder if these hard things changed you at all.

So, Happy New Year, right?

I guess September swallowed all the seconds of 2017 and made me forget the before and the after and pressed against us until our cracks started to show. Because there was good things.

In the beginning of June I went to South Carolina. First time flying by myself. First time to North and South Carolina where I met my penpal's family. And drank sweet tea and waded in the Atlantic and saw an Alligator in the wild. And those nasty small ticks. And went kayaking all over a lake.

I bought a kayak because kayaking is fun and just another excuse to explore and go to the mountains and exercise.

I did a three-month writing mentorship, and I think I learned some things. And I hope I did, but I did let someone read a lot more of my writing than I had ever let anyone else read.

An article I wrote was published, just on a blog of a new magazine, but it's a start.

I wrote a load of poetry, and some of it was actually good.

I finished Duolingo's entire German course. It took four years, but now I'm going to read Heidi in German. And I started Spanish because when you have to watch kittens for too many hours in a day, you can only do small tasks, not writing.

My brother visited, and we went hiking twice, and I fell in love with my mountains all over again and Autumn days in the mountains are magical. And I remembered why my brother was my best friend growing up.

We also had an amazing Winter with snow on the ground till March, and it was amazing to me because I love snow, and there was just so much of it!

Instagram and photography! I had forgotten how fun photography was. And I actually printed something I took and have it framed on the wall, and it's the best thing ever.

I got a piano. A real one. I just have to find some place in my room to tuck it and someone to tune it.

In the middle of blistering Summer, we walked through a very long and cold, old train tunnel. And had a picnic on the other side, and did I mention I need to hike and explore more often?

I read a lot more books that I actually liked! 

*Insert random, awkward, stressful comment about dating for the first time* 

We fostered a baby squirrel for a month and a half and called him Houdini. Fostering baby squirrels is something normal people do, right?

Also fostered five kittens for a month. Stinky Inky, Crabby Tabby, Tabby Tu-Tu, Hunky Dum Dum, and Pansy.

Watched a live performance of Frostiana, a collection of Robert Frost poems, put to music. It was so beautiful.

And the symphony celebrated John Williams' 85th Birthday with a performance of his music. Star Wars Theme? Jurassic Park Theme? Indiana Jones? Yes! So fun.

My mom is healthy. And that might seem a small thing to say, but in September, she was in the hospital for ten days, and it was a very exhausting and worrisome time. And even though it was just ten days, our whole year was somehow shrunk into those ten days. It was probably a month, a month and a half, before things became more normal again, but for a while, I didn't think it would ever be normal.

***

Sometimes it's hard to remember everything that happens in a year. And it's much easier to remember the bad parts and then stop there. And sometimes it's easy to overlook the little things, the little gems because so much of the big things are still flying wildly around your head.

Big things are flying wildly around in my head, and I'm a pessimist learning to be hopeful and joy-filled, and those are the hardest things to learn, but they matter because 'The joy of the Lord is my strength' and hope is everything. And since I'm around to see a New Year, I'm around to try again and keep on learning and fighting.

Because we're going to be okay in 2018, even if I have to ink the words of life, of hope, of Love onto the palm of my hand every morning so I don't forget.

What was 2017 like for you? Highlights? Something important you learned? What is your go-to Bible verse lately?

Happy New Year!