I'm 21 now.

In fact, I've been 21 for twelve days now.

It's not like I imagined - this being 21 thing. I feel about the same actually, and I truly wish I didn't. I'd like to feel a little bit older. A little bit more mature. A little bit more like I have this life thing under control (even though I know of pretty much no one who has it under control).

I have this small portion of me forever full of optimism, faith, and hope. It has a full time job combatting all my uncertainties and negativities. If someone should listen to my thoughts when I'm in a situation where I'm uncomfortable, they'd probably hear: "You can do this! You can do this! Come on. You've got this. You know you do."

No, I really don't know if I got this. Sometimes I have to start filling my mind with those thoughts on the silliest, stupidest things that everybody else would be able to do in a breeze. Inside, sometimes, I still feel like I'm 6 years-old, but...each person's path is different, I suppose. Some people take longer than others. I'm one of those who must be a turtle. It's just my pace. It always has been. I keep telling people I don't do quick, and I don't.

But it's okay, I think.

So, I'm 21 now.

I've grown so much. I've come so far, but I still have a long, long, long (10x) way to go, and it's frustrating because even though slow is my pace, at the same time, my mind (and the world) thinks I should be farther along in life. Externally, I might even seem less along than I know I've come internally, and it has to be okay with me so I won't care if it's not okay with the world. I have to define my own version of success, and I know when I do, it won't look anything like the world's version of success.

And that will be okay, too,

Because I'm 21 now, and I'm officially an adult.

People will disagree with my choices now. People will sometimes think the choices I make are utter mistakes, but except for a few people I trust the most, other people's opinions won't be more important than mine because I am not a little kid any more. This is the time where my decisions involve less people and more of just me and God.

I am 21, and it's scary.

And because I am an awesome 21-year-old, I went to the Seattle Aquarium for my Birthday with the parents (who were already going to be in Seattle that day for a medical appointment...so, part of my Birthday involved hospital waiting room fun), and it was awesome and amazing, and fish are cooler than I thought (probably thanks to watching Finding Dory this Summer. Still can't remember much of Finding Nemo but watched that one once 13 years ago). So are Jellyfishes.

This stuff fascinated me as much as the actual fishes. So colorful.

See? Jellyfish are awesome!

I think these are the fish where the males keep the eggs in their mouth until they hatch and baby versions of them come swimming out. Super weird but fascinating, right?

Another example of awesomeness.

Another awesome part of my Birthday was getting a large box in the mail from my Penpal of 9 and 1/2 hours. It was unexpected, and therefore, one of the best parts. Nothing like going out on your front porch and almost tripping over a big box addressed to you (that you didn't have to pay for).